Hitting Bottom
by ciaddict
Summary: Sequel to "Deconstruction".  Based in and around season 7.  Continuing story of Bobby and Annie, Mike and Sarah, Alex and Tom.
1. Chapter 1

**HITTING BOTTOM**

_Author's note: I do not own any Law and Order Criminal Intent characters, nor do I own any characters from Law and Order who might show up. Dick Wolf, of course, owns them and has done quite well by them._

I do own the other characters in this story: Annie, the children, Sarah, Tom, and various other people (named and unnamed). They inhabit my imagination where they live out their lives trying to fit into the LOCI universe.

_This story is set during season 7 and begins where Amends begins…with Bobby sitting on the floor of his kitchen. Just a note about the glimpses we get of Bobby's kitchen in season 7 and again seasons 8 and 9. I don't know how you picture Bobby and Annie's kitchen, but in my head it is nothing like the kitchen we see in Amends. However, I'm not even going to try to reconcile LOCI "canon" with my story…I'll just ask you to join me in my imagination and accept that Bobby is sitting on the floor of the kitchen in the house he shares with Annie and their children._

_Thank you so much to Judyg, who not only betas for me, but lets me bounce ideas off of her. And whose own wonderful story is so ingrained in my head that just the other day I was thinking about a scene and trying to remember where I had put it in my story, only to realize it was Judy's scene from her story! I've also been known to type "Amy" instead of "Annie", mixing up my character with Flashymom's. I will try to keep my story straight and keep it separate from Judy's, as well as the other fanfics I am following…. _

**Chapter 1**

_I am sitting on the kitchen floor. I don't know the time, exactly, but it is very late. The house is silent; Annie and the children are sleeping. Even Sandy has snuck from her bed here in the kitchen into the normally forbidden bedroom of Phillip and Andrew. _

_I'm glad that Annie is asleep. She was so exhausted for the last few months of my mother's illness, especially the last two weeks. She moved into my mother's room at Carmel Ridge, sleeping on the loveseat in Mom's room that folded out into a bed. Not very comfortable, I know. But then, I doubt that Annie slept much. She was up with Mom at every sound, making sure she was comfortable, calling the nurse if she was in pain, even slipping into the narrow bed with Mom and holding her while she cried in pain or fear. Since Mom passed away, it's as though Annie can't get enough sleep. She is in bed early and sleeps as late as she can, sometimes even falling asleep as soon as she gets home from work._

_Mom. It's hard to fathom that the world exists without my mother. She has been the center of _my___world for as long as I can remember. While I know there must have been a time when she took care of me, most of my memories are of taking care of her. I can't wrap my mind around a life without that need. _

"_**It's just that I never knew for sure." **__ Did she know how those words would affect my life? Did she know that she was tossing a grenade into my life as her life ebbed away? Did she even care? No, I suppose that isn't fair. She kept her secret for forty six years and she only told me at the end because I asked, I pushed. She would have taken that secret with her to her grave if I hadn't asked. She didn't want to tell me, but finally she told me the truth. _

_Truth. It's what I have spent most of my life pursuing. Finding facts, gathering clues, breaking down defenses, extracting confessions from people who thought they were unshakable. I have been relentless and ruthless in my pursuit of truth. And now there is a relentless and ruthless truth in _my _life that I am afraid will destroy me. _

_I haven't told Annie what my mother told me before she died. I haven't told her what Mark Ford Brady led me to discover before his execution. The secret could have died with them, the only two people in the world who knew. But it didn't die. It lives on with me. Was that Brady's intent? I thought that he wanted to goad me into killing him so that he could feel he, and not the state of Pennsylvania, was in control of his death. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe he simply wanted to make sure that the secret survived him, giving him some sort of immortality. _

_There is so much in my life now that I am just not certain of. I have thought for years that the deterioration of my mother's mental state was related to my father's death. I thought that it was proof of the love she had for him, in spite of his abandonment. But now I realize that there may have been something else that precipitated her decline. Mark Ford Brady was arrested, tried, and sentenced to death just a few years before my father died. It was a notorious case with a lot of publicity. It is almost a certainty that Mom saw him in the news. She would have recognized him. Finding out that he had raped and murdered those seven women must have flooded her with memories of her love affair with him, which ended in rape and a brutal beating. I was four years old when she took that weekend trip with him. I know from looking at family pictures that she was never the same, although it would be three more years before she began to show signs of schizophrenia. If her brutalization at the hands of Brady was a trigger for the schizophrenia, is it possible that finding out he had not only raped, but murdered, other women triggered the spiral that resulted in her commitment to Carmel Ridge? I don't have an answer._

"_**It's just that I never knew for sure."**__ I let her words flow through my brain and slowly allow their meaning wash over me. My father, the man who I tried so hard to impress, the man who left Frank and me alone with a mentally ill mother, the man who couldn't be bothered to attend one basketball game or even my graduation from the police academy…that man may not have actually been my father. Instead of the gambling, alcoholic, womanizer who abandoned us, my father may very well have been a serial rapist and murderer. I almost laugh out loud at the absurdity. __**"You could have gone either way,"**__ Jo Gage told me. If she only knew. _

_Annie. There is so much I haven't told her over the last few years. Even though I moved home months ago, I still miss her. There is a chasm between us that I don't know how to bridge. I know that she feels it as well. Since I came home we haven't had time to deal with any of the issues of our marriage. We have both been so busy and focused on my mother's illness that we have simply ignored the chasm. We talk, we plan, we make love….but there is tentativeness in the way we speak, the way we touch. I know that just as there are areas of my life that I keep curtained off from her, there are things in her heart that she does not allow me to see as well. For once in my life I am not so anxious to pursue truth, afraid that the truth just might be that she doesn't want to be married to me anymore. She has been more supportive than I have any right to expect. She not only made sure my mother was taken care of; she made sure that I was alright. She worried about whether I was eating and sleeping; she guided me through the entire death and dying process. She helped me make decisions for the funeral. I don't know how I would have been able to get through that day without her hand in mine. Since the funeral, I catch her watching me with a worried look. I know that she thinks I am not allowing myself to grieve. She is right. But she doesn't know why. _

"_**It's just that I never knew for sure."**__ How can those words not be the focus of my world now? I know that I should tell Annie. Sharing burdens like this is what marriage is about. It's what our marriage used to be about. I just can't seem to bring myself to share this one. Not now. Not yet. Maybe one day soon I will let her in. _

_The ringing of the phone breaks into my reverie. It can't be good at this time of night. I should get up from the floor and answer it before it wakes Annie. But I can't seem to summon the energy. _I'm on leave_, I want to bellow at Ross or whoever is calling me to a case right now. Instead I stay where I am and ignore the ringing. Maybe Annie is so deeply asleep that it won't wake her. _

_The ringing stops and I sigh with relief. But just a few minutes later my cell phone begins to ring. I pull it from my pocket and look at the display. _Eames cell._ Eames wouldn't call me at this hour, she wouldn't call me during my leave, unless it was important, unless she needed my help. I answer as I pull myself to my feet._

"_Yeah, Eames, what is it?"_

The ringing of the telephone dragged Annie from sleep. Without opening her eyes, she reached over to the bedside table for the phone.

"Hello," she mumbled.

"Annie," came Alex's voice. "I'm so sorry to wake you up, but can I talk to Bobby?"

Annie opened her eyes and looked at Bobby's pillow. Empty.

"Um…he's not in bed, Alex. He's probably down in the basement, reading. Want me to go get him? Or you can try his cell."

"Don't get up," Alex told her. "I really am sorry I woke you. I'll try his cell."

"OK." Annie hesitated for a moment, and then added, "Alex…he's still on family leave….."

"I know, Annie. It's….it's important."

Annie sighed. "OK. Good night Alex."

She hung up the phone and sat up. Sliding her feet into her slippers, she left her bed and her sleep to go find her husband. The light was on in the kitchen and Bobby was talking to Alex on his cell phone. Annie saw him putting his wallet in his pocket and picking up his badge.

"No, no, no Eames. You were right to call…."

He met her troubled gaze as he ended the call.

"You're on leave," she said, stopping in front of him.

"A cop has been shot," he told her.

The silence stretched between them as they looked at one another. Finally Annie sighed in defeat and nodded. Bobby reached out and pulled her into his arms.

"I'm OK," he whispered against her hair.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his chest. Bobby squeezed her, then kissed the top of her head and gently pushed her away.

"I have to go."

As he moved to step away, Annie grasped his shirt and pulled him to her.

"Take care of yourself, Detective," she said.

He smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her.

"I will," he promised.

Kissing her again, Bobby stepped away and walked to the front door. Annie watched him go, trying to quell the uneasy feeling she had.

Annie watched the "sea of blue" at the funeral. She wondered how many police funerals she had been to over the years. Even when she didn't know the officer, as with Kevin Quinn, she still tried to make it to every funeral. She felt that as an officer's wife, she was as duty-bound as her husband to honor those who had fallen. And support the family left behind.

She spotted Bobby, so handsome in his dress blues, and Alex. This time, for this funeral, Bobby had tried to convince her not to go. She insisted on going to the funeral, but she acquiesced to his request that she not go to Theresa Quinn's home after the funeral, although her instinct was to go. She knew many in the NYPD were angry with Bobby because the suspect they so publicly arrested for Quinn's murder was released. She not only wanted to pay her condolences to the widow, but to show her support for her own husband. But she knew he wanted to shield her from the anger directed at him and finally she gave in and promised she would go home after the funeral. She saw Mike and their gazes locked for a moment. _Too many funerals_, she thought. _Too many._

Mike nodded slightly as he acknowledged Annie. He thought about Max's funeral, and all the police funerals he had been to over the years. And he thought about Sarah. He saw Jimmy and Angie Deakins, but Sarah wasn't with them. No surprise there. It wasn't likely that she knew Kevin Quinn, so she had no reason to be at his funeral. He wondered if hearing about his murder made her realize how right she had been to break up with him. He looked over to where Theresa and Tommy Quinn stood. Theresa was pale and it was obvious she had been crying, but for the moment her eyes were dry. Mike watched as Deputy Commisioner Leland Dockerty presented the flag to Tommy Quinn. The little boy stoically took it and held it against his chest. For a moment, he allowed himself to imagine Sarah and Jai Li at his own funeral, receiving that flag.

The bagpipe began to play the melancholy strains of "Amazing Grace". This finally seemed too much for Theresa Quinn. Tears began to slide down her cheeks, slowly at first. By the time the song ended, Theresa was sobbing openly. Patrick and Marcie Copa were standing behind her and Patrick moved next to her to put his arms around her, holding her as she cried and shook. Tommy was watching her with solemn eyes, clutching the flag and his father's badge. Without a word, Tommy walked over and slipped his hand in hers. Theresa leaned down and kissed the top of his head, and then they walked slowly to the waiting car.

Mike caught sight of Goren and Eames. He wondered how uncomfortable it was for Goren being here. Since the release of Johnny Sang, there was a lot of anger in the department. For their sakes, he hoped Goren and Eames were right.

Someone had tuned the TV in the break room to the televised funeral for Kevin Quinn. Sarah wanted to turn it off, but found herself mesmerized. Her eyes filled with unshed tears as the camera zoomed in on the widow as she wept in another officer's arms, her young son standing next to her with the flag. _Was it worth it_, she wanted to ask the woman. _Were the years you had with him worth this pain?_

"_**Theresa, you'll get through this. I did."**_

"_**Is it true your partner made them release that bastard?"**_

Alex sighed and looked away for a moment, considering Theresa Quinn's question. They had been close once, when Joe and Kevin were partners. Alex thought at the time it was a friendship that would last a lifetime. And it had…at least for Joe's lifetime. Alex and Theresa had drifted apart after Joe's murder. Theresa's confession that she stopped calling because of her guilt over feeling relief that it was Joe and not Kevin who died only confirmed what Alex had known intuitively. She looked at the grief and rage in Theresa Quinn's face, understanding it all too well, before putting her arm around the other woman's shoulders and leading her to the couch. They sat down and Alex turned to face her.

"Theresa, I want you to understand that we had no choice but to let Sang go. Copa's ID was bad. There is no way he saw Sang. Maybe he thinks he saw him, but I'm telling you that there is no way he could have. Bobby only pointed out something that any smart defense attorney would have picked up on. It would have been worse to have that come out in a trial and have Sang acquitted. This way we can still charge him if we find other evidence."

"So, you do think Sang did this," Theresa asked.

"I don't know. But I promise you this. Bobby and I, we won't stop until we find whoever it was that killed Kevin. If it was Sang, we'll find the evidence that will put him away. But if it was someone else, we are going to find him."

"Patrick wouldn't lie, Alex. Not about who shot Kevin."

"Maybe he didn't lie. Maybe he was just saying what he wanted to believe was true. But, Theresa, Copa's ID is no good and that's all there is to it."

Theresa looked at Alex for several long moments, trying to process this information. Finally she nodded her head. Alex hugged her and told her that she had to go, but she would be calling to check on her and to keep her updated on the investigation.

Mike Logan overheard Theresa's question and when Alex moved away, he went over to introduce himself to the widow.

"Mrs. Quinn, I'm Mike Logan. I'm very sorry for your loss. I never met your husband, but I heard that he was a good cop."

"Thank you, Mike." Theresa looked up at him, frowning in concentration. "Logan? I've heard of you…you punched that city councilman."

"Uh…yeah, that's me."

"You're a legend on the force."

"Well, to be honest, I'm not really proud of what I did. And I'm not so sure the satisfaction I got from doing it was worth spending ten years on Staten Island. But I'm with Major Case now."

"Major Case? Then you work with Alex….and with…him."

"I do work with them, and that's why I wanted to talk to you. I…uh….I know how hard this is for you. And…I…well, I understand how Patrick Copa is feeling." He let go of her hand and looked down at the floor, then back at her, clearly uncomfortable. "I had two partners that got shot, and one of them died. I know how badly Copa wants to get the guy who did this. But, uh, Goren and Eames…they….um….they're good at what they do. They'll get this guy, whoever it is."

Theresa smiled sadly. "Thank you, Mike. I really appreciate it. That means a lot, coming from someone who knows what its like. But…Chief Moran said…he said that Goren is a 'whack job'."

"With all due respect, Mrs. Quinn…did your husband believe everything Moran said?"

She looked at him, surprised. "No," she said slowly. "Actually, he said that Bradshaw and Moran are…well, he called them jackasses….and said they both stopped being cops a long time ago. He said they are just politicians now."

"Well," Mike said with a grin, his eyes twinkling. "That's all I'm saying." Across the room, he saw Chief Moran moving in their direction. "I just wanted to give you my condolences, Ma'am," he said. When he knew that Moran was within earshot he raised his voice slightly and added, "And Goren and Eames will get whoever did this." Giving her hand a comforting squeeze, Mike nodded at Moran. "Chief," he said respectfully as he got up.

He could feel the Chief of Detectives' glare boring into his back as he walked away.

Bobby glanced at his cell phone as he and Alex sat at their desks. Annie was calling.

"Hi," he answered.

"Hi. I don't mean to disturb you…." Annie sounded hesitant.

"No, it's OK. I'm almost done for the day."

"Oh, good. I just wanted to check on what time you will be home for dinner. And I wondered if Alex is coming with you or is she meeting up with Tom before she comes over?"

"Alex and Tom?" He glanced at his partner as she looked up at the mention of her name. "Uh…dinner?"

"Yes," Annie said. "I talked to her after the funeral…they are coming to dinner tonight. I told you this."

"Yeah…I…uh…I forgot." To Alex, he added, "Dinner at our house tonight."

"Oh…." Alex hesitated. After seeing her husband's killer in prison that day, she wasn't in the mood to socialize. "I…I think I'm going to back out."

"She can't," Annie exclaimed, overhearing her. "I made lasagna this weekend…just for tonight."

"Annie made lasagna," Bobby relayed, his eyes holding Alex's. She sighed wearily and nodded, reaching for her phone to call Tom.

"We'll be there in about an hour," Bobby told Annie. "Tom will meet us there."

"Good."

As it turned out, Alex was glad Annie insisted that she come for dinner. She had missed spending time with her partner's wife and children. She detected a bit of strain, but decided it must be the aftermath of Frances Goren's death. She helped Annie clean up while Bobby and Tom went downstairs so the twins could show them a new video game. Ally retreated to her bedroom with a book. The chatter of the children and now the ordinary hominess of putting dishes in the dishwasher and leftover food in the refrigerator relaxed Alex. Even the sight of Sandy curled up on her bed made the tension seep out of her body, remembering the evening she stood outside the kitchen door with the squirming puppy so that Bobby could surprise his children.

When Annie asked about the case, Alex told her about finding Alfred Minaya's body and going to see Rey Delgado in prison. She also told her that Captain Ross wanted to take her off the case after Minaya's murder and how she had convinced him to let her continue. Bobby and Tom joined them in the living room, leaving the boys to continue playing their game. Bobby poured wine into glasses for himself, Tom, and Alex, getting ice water for Annie. Bobby sat in the chair as Alex and Tom settled on the sofa. Annie joined them on the sofa, with Tom on one side of Alex and Annie on the other.

"Alex," Annie said, "You…you shouldn't work this case."

"Not you too," Alex sighed. "I already went over this with the captain. It's fine…I'm fine."

"You think you're fine, but you are too close to this."

"Annie…." Alex warned, not wanting to argue with her.

"No, listen to me," Annie insisted.

"Annie, Eames knows what she's doing." Bobby's voice was quiet, but firm.

She glanced at him, not wanting to argue with him, not wanting to break the unspoken truce that had been in place since he moved home. But she looked back at Alex and plunged ahead. Tom looked on in silence.

"I know you think you can do this, Alex," she began. "But this is all too close to Joe's death. You think you are coping with it and keeping your emotions under control while you do your job, and then suddenly those emotions just rise up and slam into you and you can't even breathe."

Alex was shaking her head. "I'm a cop, Annie. I'm a professional. I don't let my personal feelings affect how I do my job."

"That's what I thought, too." Annie's voice was low and she deliberately didn't look at Bobby.

"What are you talking about," Alex asked.

Annie hesitated for a moment and then took a deep breath.

"Last October I was working in ER one day and this little girl was brought in. She was really upset…broken arm…I…I took care of her, helped calm her down. She had fallen at school and someone from the school was with her and we were waiting for her parents to get there…and then they did." Annie looked at Alex. "It was Martin Ramsey…he was her father."

"Ramsey? You mean…." Alex hesitated.

"Yes," Annie nodded. "Martin Ramsey…the man who attacked me."

"What did you do?"

"Well…he started apologizing and then his wife recognized me and I thought she was going to cry. But there was this little girl, who didn't know who I was and she was hurt and she needed her parents. And I…I just told him not to worry and I finished taking care of his little girl. And then…" Annie could feel Bobby's eyes on her back. "And then I went to the bathroom and threw up."

"Annie, I'm so sorry," Alex said softy, putting a hand on Annie's hand.

"But…that's not all," Annie continued. "After work, a group of coworkers were going out for a drink and I went with them." She took a deep breath before continuing. "And….I got drunk."

There was stunned silence for a moment as Alex looked at her, eyes wide with surprise.

"Drunk? You?" Alex shook her head. "I don't believe it…..you don't drink."

"No, I don't," Annie agreed. "But I did…that night I did. I was so drunk I could barely stand." Alex didn't answer, but looked at her with skepticism. "It's true, Alex. You can ask Mike Logan."

"Logan?"

"Mike and Sarah came in to that same bar that night and they saw me. And Mike called Bobby…." Her voice dropped to almost a whisper. "….and Bobby came and took me home."

Incredulous, Alex looked from Annie to Bobby. Annie didn't turn to look at him, but he must have nodded in agreement because Alex looked back at her. They sat in silence for several moments as Alex tried to digest this news.

"Annie, I'm really sorry you went through that," she finally said. "Seeing Rey Delgado today made me want to throw up, too. But what I hear from your story is that it _didn't_ affect your job. You pushed it aside for your patient and you did your job. And I can do my job, too."

"Doing the job isn't the only thing to consider, Alex." Annie's voice was soft. "I'm not worried about your job…I'm worried about _you_."

"And I appreciate that, I really do. But I'm a big girl and my eyes are open here. I'm going to do my job and I'm going to be fine." Alex squeezed Annie's hand. "I promise."

Annie let it drop and the conversation moved to other areas…safer areas. The children all came to tell Alex and Tom goodbye when they were ready to leave. Annie hugged Alex as the men shook hands. She whispered in her ear to call if she needed to talk. Telling Bobby she would see him in the morning, Alex walked with Tom to the car.

Annie sent the children upstairs to get ready for bed. The boys raced up the stairs, jostling one another. Ally rolled her eyes, clearly communicating the fact that at age fourteen she was obviously too old to be told when to go to bed. But she didn't say it out loud, turning and following her brothers at a more sedate pace. Annie turned to find Bobby sitting in the chair, watching her thoughtfully. She didn't approach, standing nervously by the stairs. He hadn't said anything during her story, hadn't mentioned it since, had barely spoken to her the rest of the evening. She wondered if he was angry. And she wondered if she would ever again be able to read her husband the way she used to. He was such a mystery to her.

"You never told me," he said softly, not bothering to preface his comment. They both knew what he was talking about.

"No," she replied slowly, wiping her hands on her jeans. "We…we weren't really communicating very well. Back then. And then…you came home and we had…more important things to talk about. It…just got….busy, and we've been preoccupied. And I don't really think about it that much anymore."

Bobby nodded. "I didn't make things easy for you."

She wasn't sure what to say to that. "I went to see him."

"Ramsey?"

"Yes…after…after our….argument about….well, I did a lot of thinking and the next day I went to the hospital and I talked to him."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I forgave him. That he has a beautiful d..daughter. That he should take his medicine for her and for his wife. That he should live his life and not waste time feeling guilty."

"Annie," Bobby whispered.

She began to take a step towards him but quiet was shattered by Andrew yelling from upstairs, "Mom! I can't find my pajama bottoms and Phillip won't give me my top!" Which was followed by the sound of wrestling.

"Grow up," came Ally's disdainful voice. "You two are such _juveniles_!"

Annie smiled sadly and shrugged before turning and heading up the stairs to referee.

"Maybe Annie is right." Tom's voice was soft.

"Don't," Alex said.

"Alex…."

"I mean it…don't. I'm a cop and I'm going to do my job and I'm going to be fine." She took her eyes off the road for a moment to smile at him. Softening her tone she added, "I promise."

"Well," Tom said with a grin. "Just call me if you go out and get drunk after."

Alex shook her head. "I can't believe it. I just can't picture Annie Paine drunk. And I can't believe Bobby never said anything. Of course, he doesn't talk much about Annie anymore."

"I don't think Bobby knew," Tom said thoughtfully.

"Of course he knew…you heard her say that he went and picked her up."

"Yeah…he knew she got drunk. But I was watching your partner's face while Annie was telling her story. I think it's the first time he had heard about Annie seeing Ramsey."

"So, Bobby got a call from Logan telling him Annie was in some bar and was drunk, he goes and gets her and takes her home…but she never told him why she was drinking?" Alex shook her head sadly. "What is going on with those two?"

Bobby sat silently on the bed and watched as Annie prepared for bed. She was surprised when he got in next to her. They lay quietly for several minutes, side by side, staring up at the ceiling. Finally, Bobby turned to face her, propping himself up on his elbow.

"I'm going to have to look at Joe's case file," he said softly.

Annie rolled onto her side to face him, searching for his expression in the dark.

"She's going to be upset," she told him.

Annie could see him nod. "I know."

"Be gentle with her."

Bobby reached out a finger and traced her jaw. Leaning toward her, he gently touched her lips with his. Annie opened her mouth and accepted his kiss with a sigh. His hand slid under her tee shirt to cup her breast. With a moan Annie slid toward him as he rolled on top of her, his knee parting her legs.

"_**This isn't another one of your puzzles!"**_

Alex faced her partner, surrounded by the pictures and reports from Joe's murder file. Bobby watched her go from shock when she walked into the interview room to find clippings and pictures of her husband's crime scene on the board and Bobby going through the detectives' notes, to anger that he seemed to doubt Rey Delgado's guilt. "Be gentle with her," Annie had told him. Getting to the office even earlier than usual, he had debated how best to broach the subject with her. He wasn't sure that simply getting the file and putting all of the pictures on display would be what his wife meant by being gentle with her. But after giving it a lot of thought, Bobby realized that no matter how he brought it up, Alex would resist. He decided the argument would be shorter and more to the point if he simply did it and then told her.

Her question, however, reminded him of one his mother had asked not long before she died. _**"Why do you always do this? Tell me…what is the point?"**_ Truth…that was the point. A painful truth for him back then, a painful truth for his partner now. Was the truth always necessary? Until recently he would have said yes…but now…. Was it important for him to know the truth of his paternity? He had no answer for that. But this truth…this was not only important, it was vital. If an innocent man was in prison while a guilty person walked free….Eames had to know that this truth needed to be revealed, no matter how painful it was for her.

"_**You know that we have to do this. We've got to do this."**_

Alex knew what he was saying. Annie warned her that this would be too hard and now Bobby was challenging her. If she couldn't do the job, she needed to tell him now. As he always did, he would pursue the truth with single-mindedness. Not even to spare her pain would he back off. But she knew Bobby. For seven years she had watched him, and she knew that his "puzzles" were never just pure academic curiosity for him. He cared deeply about the pain that his search for truth caused people, yet he never backed off. And he would not back off now, no matter how much he hated causing her pain.

Squaring her shoulders, Alex took a deep breath and gave him a slight nod. She could do this. She would do it.

Tom was making dinner when Alex got to his house after she and Bobby finished booking Manny Beltran. It had been a whirlwind of revelations over the last few days, beginning with Rey Delgado's son confessing to murdering Kevin Quinn and Alfred Minaya out of revenge for his father's conviction. The discovery that the DNA on the cigarette butt found at Joe's murder did not belong to Rey Delgado left Alex's emotions spinning. She had hated him for so long for taking Joe away from her, she had difficulty shifting to the realization he was innocent. The new trail led to an unexpected place and murderer…Alfred Minaya's cousin, now an emergency room doctor. He was young when he killed Joe, no older than Victor Delgado.

The tragic irony of the situation was not lost on Alex. Victor's murder of the two men whose testimony put his father in prison for a crime he didn't commit was the catalyst that caused Bobby and Alex to look at Joe's murder again, and find the real culprit. Rey Delgado had been exonerated and would soon leave prison…and now his son would go to prison for the rest of his life.

Tom's children were with their mother, so he was alone when Alex got there. She found him in the kitchen and he smiled and kissed her. She didn't know if he had heard the news about Beltran's arrest yet.

"I arrested my husband's killer today," Alex said matter-of-factly as she set the table for dinner.

Tom turned to her with a quizzical look, not sure how to answer.

"Annie was right…it was hard."

Tom nodded and said softly, "I'm sorry, baby. But…you were right, too, weren't you? You did your job."

"Nine years is a long time," she continued.

"Yeah," Tom agreed. "It is."

"This case brought up a lot of painful memories."

"I know," he replied softly.

"I loved Joe…I loved him more than my life. When he died….I thought my life was over, too." She looked at Tom and he just nodded silently. "But it wasn't over. I think it's time."

"Time?"

"Time to let go of Joe, of the life we planned together, of the things we wanted but won't ever have. I think it's time to start planning a new life."

Tom's voice was hushed. "A new life?"

"A new life….with you."

"What are you saying, Alex?"

"I'm asking if your offer is still open."

"My offer?"

"Tom Spencer…will you marry me?"

Tom's smile split his face and he strode across the kitchen, catching Alex around the waist and lifting her off her feet.

"Oh baby," he whispered in her ear. "You just tell me the time and the place and I'm there."

**End chapter one**

18


	2. Chapter 2

**HITTING BOTTOM**

_This chapter is shorter than what I've been writing. I haven't specified exactly when this one takes place. It's summer and sometime after Amends. I won't be writing specifically about each episode between Amends and Untethered, but the eagle-eyed, obsessive…I mean focused…LOCI fan will catch references to Seeds and Depths. _

_Thank you to Judyg for betaing and encouraging me. _

**CHAPTER 2**

_It helps being back at work. At least that's what I keep telling Annie. And myself. I suppose it's true...it is something to engage my thoughts, gives me less opportunity to dwell on my mother's death, on the puzzle of my parentage, on the uncertainty of my marriage. _

_Annie's revelation to Alex about running into Martin Ramsey at the hospital explains a lot about that night in the bar. I wish she had felt like she could talk to me about it. But back then I just kept pushing her away. So instead of being there to help her through a difficult situation, I made it worse by accusing her of planning to sleep with Stan Myers. Another failure to add to a long list of failures. _

_One thing Annie's story doesn't explain, though, is why she is taking those birth control pills. And why she is trying to hide it from me. _

"You're getting married?" Annie jumped up from her chair and rushed around the table to hug Alex and then Tom. Sitting back down next to Bobby she said, "This is wonderful! Have you set a date?"

"Not yet," Alex told her with a smile. "But we are thinking of March."

"Congratulations," Bobby said, reaching across the table to shake Tom's hand.

Tom and Alex had asked Bobby and Annie to dinner, ostensibly to pay back the dinner they had at the Gorens' home. But really, it was to tell them about their engagement. Alex hadn't mentioned it to Bobby, or anyone at work, wanting to talk to Tom's children first, and then her family.

"March? That's so far away! Have you told the kids? Have you told your families?" Annie reached under the table for Bobby's hand, squeezing it in excitement.

"Yes and yes," Tom said, laughing at Annie's enthusiasm. "Everyone is very happy. My kids love Alex, and so do my parents. And of course her family loves me. What's not to love?"

Annie laughed delightedly and tried not to notice that Bobby smiled at the joke, but didn't laugh. He was so subdued lately. But then, everyone grieved at his own pace. Still, she wished he would show a little more emotion over this news.

"Do you know where you will have the wedding?"

"No," Alex said, shaking her head. "We haven't made any concrete plans yet. Although we were thinking of having it at my parents' home. Something small."

"Oh, that will be lovely. I'm so happy for you both. Where will you live?"

Tom shook his head and chuckled. "Something else we haven't decided. Both of us bought our houses so recently that we don't have much equity in either. We don't know if one of us will sell and move into the other's house, or if we will sell both and buy one together." He shrugged. "There's a lot we haven't figured out yet."

"So, if it's going to be a small wedding, will you only be inviting family?"

Alex laughed at Annie's unasked question. "Of course you two are invited…and the kids. Maybe Captain Ross." She paused and looked at Bobby with a grin. "And maybe Dr. Rodgers?"

"The M.E.?" Annie looked from one partner to the other with curiosity. "Are you close?"

"No," Alex chuckled. "I'm not that close to her…but I think Captain Ross might be."

"Captain Ross and Dr. Rodgers," Annie exclaimed. She looked at Bobby, who shrugged.

"We don't know for sure," Alex told her. "But we were in the morgue, getting Rodger's report on one of our vics, and Ross came in looking for us. And there was this weird energy when they said hello to each other…and they looked like they were avoiding eye contact. I think something is going on there."

"Well, is that a good thing? Do they seem like a good match?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know. I never thought about them as a couple before. Who knows what attracts two people? Couples who seem to have nothing in common stay married for fifty years and couples you think are perfect for each other break up."

"Like Mike and Sarah," Annie said sadly.

"Have you talked to her," Tom asked. "Is there any chance they will get back together, or is it over for good?"

Now it was Annie's turn to shrug. "I've talked to her, but what could I say? She's afraid Mike will get killed and she doesn't want to face having to go through that. And the truth is that it is a possibility. Some people just can't live with knowing that each day may be the last time you see the person you love."

They moved on to other topics as they ate. Annie hugged Tom and Alex again at the end of the evening, as they were leaving the restaurant. Bobby shook Tom's hand and gave Alex a brief, awkward hug. He was quiet on the way home and Annie tried to draw him into conversation.

"Isn't it wonderful about Tom and Alex getting married?" 

"Yes," he nodded, his eyes on the road. "They seem happy together."

"You know, when I talked to Sarah….she sounded like she thinks now that she made a mistake in breaking up with Mike. But she said that he had told her if she broke up that it would be final, no chances to get back together. I thought maybe….well, do you think it would be a mistake for me to talk to Mike about it?"

"Yes, I think it would be a mistake. They have to work it out…or not…on their own. If they can't talk to each other, can't tell one another what they are thinking and feeling…then maybe it's best that they aren't together."

Annie had no answer for that.

"Are you sure you don't want to go with me to take the kids to Connecticut this weekend? I know Grandpa would love to see you."

"No, I don't think so. There are some things around the house I want to do."

"OK," she said.

She considered asking him to come with them for her. It would be one year, almost to the day, since Bobby moved out. Not an anniversary to celebrate, certainly, but one that caused a small tendril of fear to wrap around her heart. It was something she didn't want to admit to, didn't want to give voice to. So she said nothing and they rode the rest of the way home in silence.

"Thank you for watching her tonight," Sarah told her aunt and uncle.

"You know how much we love having Jia Li here," Angie said, giving her a hug.

"Mommy! Look at the picture Uncle Jimmy colored with me!"

Jia Li proudly held up a coloring book picture of Cinderella. Sarah smiled and leaned down to kiss her daughter.

"Uncle Jimmy used to color pictures with me, too. I think he's finally getting the hang of it."

Jia Li giggled as the adults laughed. "Can we color another picture, Mommy?"

"Not tonight, sweetie. It's almost your bedtime and we need to get you home. You have school tomorrow. Go get your things."

Jia Li sighed and turned toward the kitchen, where she had left her backpack after school. Jimmy put an arm around Sarah's shoulders as they walked to the front door and waited for Jia Li.

"How are you doing, Kiddo?"

She shrugged. "OK, I guess."

"We saw Mike when we went to Kevin Quinn's funeral," he told her.

"You did?" Sarah swallowed and looked at the floor. "D..did you talk to him?"

"A little."

"How is he?"

"OK, I guess."

"Uncle Jimmy…."

"He seemed fine," Jimmy said. "And he didn't ask about you. But I think he was hoping I would mention you. Sure you don't want to talk to him?"

"I'm sure," she said, still not looking at him. "It's over, Uncle Jimmy…we all just need to accept it and move on."

"Whatever you say, Kiddo," he said as Jia Li ran from the kitchen with her backpack in tow. "Are you coming over for the barbeque Saturday?"

"I can't come, but I'm sure Mom and Dad will be here with Jia Li. I'm going to Nelsonville on Saturday."

"Nelsonville? Are you going antiquing," teased Angie.

"I wish," Sarah sighed. "They have just started using computers and I'm going to go up and help them get set up."

"Well, even if you have to spend the whole day inside, at least it's a lovely drive," Angie said.

"Yes, it is," Sarah agreed. "I was thinking I might take Tony's car. I haven't driven it much lately and only in town. I think it's time to take it out on the open road."

"Well, drive safely," Jimmy said, giving her a kiss and leaning down to kiss Jia Li goodbye.

"I will," Sarah promised.

"Such a worrywart," Angie said as she hugged Sarah and Jia Li.

"_**Logan, do you ever want to have kids?"**_

"_**You know how we'll be able to tell when we're really partners, Falaaci?"**_

"_**How?"**_

"_**When we don't have to talk."**_

Mike thought back to the conversation he had with his new (and temporary) partner. He hoped he didn't offend her by brushing off her question, but he had no desire to talk about hopes and dreams for a future he would never have. Of course, not long ago he would have been able to answer her question quickly and easily. No, absolutely he didn't want kids. But then Sarah and Jia Li had come along changed everything.

Fortunately, Falaaci didn't seem like the type to take offense easily. She was too busy offending others with her brash, unapologetic manner. Mike chuckled as he thought about how the new detective got off to a bad start, getting herself on Rodgers' bad side. Of course, it wasn't hard to do…he had been there a time or two. Mike would be glad when Wheeler got back, but in the meantime he was enjoying working with Falaaci. And enjoying not being the hothead for a change.

"What do you mean you're moving," Annie wailed. "And to San Francisco? What will I do without you?"

"I know…I don't want to go, either," Janey told her. "But Rob's firm is opening an office there and they want him to manage it. He can't turn down an opportunity like that." She sighed. "But I can't tell anyone but you that I don't want to go. I don't want the kids to pick up on my negativity; I want this to be a positive experience for them. So I'm doing the whole cheerleader thing: 'This is going to be so great! San Francisco is one of the best places to live in the whole world!'" Janey looked at Annie. "What else can I do? I have to go…right?"

Annie nodded. "Of course you do," she said, hugging her friend. "I'm just being selfish, thinking how much I'll miss you. Of course, Rob can't turn this offer down and of course you have to be happy about the move. Even if you aren't really," she added with a smile. "It's not like you're going to the moon. We can write and call and visit, right?"

"Right," Janey agreed. "You have to come out and visit us. We'll take you to Fisherman's Wharf and we'll go see the Fortyniners play….and we will act like it's all old hat to us as we show you all the tourist attractions."

"When will you go?"

"Right after the first of the year. We need to put our house on the market, and the company is flying us out there for a couple of weeks this summer so we can look around, get in touch with a realtor."

"I won't know what to do with someone else living next door. Or without your shoulder to cry on," Annie added softly.

"Hey, my shoulder is always available for crying…even if it is three thousand miles away." Sobering, she asked, "How are things with you and Bobby?"

Annie shrugged. "I don't know. We don't fight. But we don't talk much, either. He's just so sad, and I don't know how to help him."

"Maybe because you can't," Janey told her. "He just has to work through his grief himself."

"I know," Annie said with a nod. "I just wish he would talk to me."

"He'll get there. Just give him time."

As she drove back from Connecticut, Annie thought about Bobby's growing distance. During Frances' last days, and through her funeral, they had been closer than ever. But since the funeral, since Annie returned to work, she realized that Bobby was withdrawing again. It was subtle, but she could see that he was going through the motions at home; talking to the kids, eating dinner with them, asking Annie how her day had gone. But he wasn't sharing much with them…with her. He seemed relieved to be back at work and at first Annie attributed it to boredom and too much time to dwell on his mother's death and his brother's abandonment. However, she finally had to admit that Bobby was acting frighteningly like he did before he left. When she went to bed at night, he headed down to the office in the basement to read (she supposed). He had only approached her for sex once since that night he found her dry and unprepared for him. And Annie…she couldn't explain why, even to herself, but she couldn't seem to bring herself to initiate it.

Annie sighed as she turned onto their street. Maybe this week alone, without the children, would give them the time to reconnect. A feeling a déjà vu crept over her and she tried to place what felt so familiar as the house came into view. Two realizations collided and tumbled over each other in her brain as she registered the fact that Bobby's Mustang was not in the driveway and at the same time remembered it was almost exactly one year ago that she had come home from dropping the children at Grandpa's with the same thoughts of using the week alone to reconnect with her husband. And when she arrived home that day, it was to find Bobby moving out. Her hands trembled as the put the SUV in park and turned the ignition off. She sat for a moment, looking up at the house, trying not to panic.

Had he left again? Had he decided to leave before she got home and avoid the scene she made last time? She tried to tell herself that she was being ridiculous. There were any number of reasons Bobby might not be home; he could have just gone to the store; he could have been called to work a case. But the conviction that he had left her was so strong she couldn't breathe.

She was shaking as she opened the car door and stepped out. She opened the front door, not really expecting to find him there…after all, his car was gone. But she stood in the open doorway and tried to _feel _the house as though it would give off a different aura if he was gone for good rather than just being at work. But the house was silent and Annie felt nothing from it. She stepped into the entryway, her dread building, and looked up the stairs. Leaving the door open and dropping her purse on the floor, Annie slowly moved up the stairs. In their bedroom, she stood for a moment and looked around the room. Had anything changed? Were his things gone? She saw nothing amiss but wondered what she would find in his side of the closet and his dresser…would they be bare? Hardly daring to breathe, Annie walked across the room and reached out to open the closet door.

**End chapter 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**HITTING BOTTOM**

_I will keep my rambling comments to a minimum, since I know you probably want to know what Annie finds in that closet. So, without further ado….thank you, Judyg, for beta'ing!_

**CHAPTER 3**

"Annie?"

Annie gasped aloud at the sound of Bobby's voice. She turned, the closet door still closed, and rushed out of the bedroom to the top of the stairs. Bobby was standing on the bottom landing, holding her purse.

"Are you alright," he asked, worry etching his face. "Did something happen?"

"Did something happen," she repeated dumbly, unable to make her brain form a coherent thought. She was so certain that Bobby had left her, and now she just couldn't make sense of his presence.

"The door was open and your purse was on the floor," he said. "What's wrong? You're pale." His expression of concern deepened and he took a step up the stairs. "Annie…what's wrong? Did something happen to the kids…to Grandpa?"

"No…" Annie shook her head. "No, nothing is wrong. Everyone is fine. I….I just…." She scrambled for an explanation, not wanting to reveal her fears. "I needed to….use the bathroom, and I was in a hurry…."

Bobby stopped halfway up the stairs, looking at her curiously.

"You were in such a hurry that you didn't even close the door?"

She smiled shakily and shrugged.

"I…had one of those super, extra large sodas and I didn't want to stop along the way. In fact," she said, backing up. "I just got here and heard you before I got to the bathroom. I'll be right down."

She turned and quickly walked back into the bedroom. Stepping into the bathroom, she turned and closed the door, leaning her forehead against it. She stood there for a moment, trying to still her racing heart. _He didn't leave, he didn't leave,_ she told herself. She looked at Bobby's bathrobe hanging on the door, next to hers. Running her fingers over the terrycloth, she leaned in and inhaled his lingering scent. She remembered how she had kept this robe in a plastic storage bag after he moved out. She remembered the nights she sat on their big, empty bed and called his work number, listening to his voice on his outgoing message while she held his robe against her face.

Those weeks and months after Bobby moved out were the worst of her life. Every day the pain followed her everywhere she went, no matter what she was doing. She thought she might die of the pain. But she hadn't died. She lived…she survived. Although the pain never left completely, she finally learned to function and then to live again in the aftermath. Bobby was home now, but for how long? She admitted to herself that they hadn't resolved any of the issues that caused friction between them…they simply shut them away and didn't look at them. That was necessary while Frances' illness and death took priority. But where did it leave them today?

Annie knew where it left her…perpetually uncertain as to where they were headed. Now that they didn't have Frances to focus all their energies on, would those unresolved issues surface again? And were they any better equipped to deal with them than they had been before? Sighing, Annie buried her face against the bathrobe and inhaled one more time. Then she straightened and looked at herself in the mirror. She still looked pale. After splashing cold water on her face, she ran her fingers through her hair. Taking a deep breath, she left the bathroom and went downstairs to find her husband.

"Who made this coffee?"

"I did," Mike answered his partner with a sigh. "Why?"

"Because it tastes like drain cleaner!"

Mike regarded Detective Nola Falaaci with amusement, which did nothing to improve her temper. It was almost midnight and they had just returned to the squad room from a crime scene. Being on call that night, they were the ones who had to respond when a precinct detective thought a case required Major Case. Unfortunately, after spending a couple of hours at the crime scene, it was obvious that it was not a "major case". Falaaci had been irritable and cranky the entire time. The coffee was only the latest in a long list of complaints she had made in the last two hours. Mike's amused smile did nothing to soothe her ire.

"You know what, Logan? You can wipe that condescending smirk off your face."

"C'mon, Falaaci, you act like this is the first time you've ever been called out on a case in the middle of the night. Suck it up already."

"'Suck it up'? I've spent plenty of nights at crime scenes and I've worked plenty of night shifts. It goes with the territory. But you know as well as I do that this case is crap and we should have never been called out on it. I don't mind getting called away from my husband and my kids when it's a real case. But for crap like this? You can bet I'm gonna call that guy's captain."

"Yeah, well, the guy made a mistake. Nobody's perfect. Except maybe you, Falacci," he added with a grin.

"Screw you, Logan. If you had kids, maybe you'd understand."

Mike didn't let his amused expression fade, reminding himself that Falaaci didn't know about his failed relationship with Sarah…and about how close he came to having a family of his own.

"OK, I can see reasoning with you isn't going to help. Look, the rest of this can wait until morning. Let's just get out of here. Go home and get some sleep. Maybe that will improve your mood."

Falaaci had the good grace to lower her gaze in discomfiture.

"I'm sorry, Logan. I shouldn't take it out on you; it isn't your fault. C'mon, I'll give you a ride home."

"I'll take you up on that offer," he said with a smile as he pulled his ringing cell phone out of his pocket. He frowned as he glanced at the name that showed on his display. "Logan," he answered.

"Mike," Jimmy Deakins said. "Are you home?"

"No," Mike said. "I'm just getting ready to leave One PP. Why…what's going on?"

"Mike…" Jimmy hesitated. "Have…have you seen Sarah tonight?" 

"Sarah?" Mike's heart rate picked up. "Jimmy, you know we aren't seeing each other…why would I have seen Sarah tonight? What's wrong?"

"Look, Mike…she left Jia Li with her parents while she went to a little town upstate to help their library set up their computers."

"And?"

"And…she hasn't shown up, hasn't called, her cell is turned off..."

"Did someone check her house?"

"Yeah…Angie and I checked on our way over to her parents'. No one's there, Mike."

"This is wrong, Jimmy. Sarah wouldn't just…." Mike had a surreal feeling; this wasn't happening. "She would call if she was going to be late or stay overnight."

"I know, Mike. I just thought maybe you and she…."

"I haven't seen her or talked to her. Have you reported this?"

"Not yet," Jimmy replied. "We just got here. I wanted to make sure we haven't overlooked any…possibilities. I'm going to call now."

"You're at her parents' house? I'm on my way." He turned to his partner, who had been watching him and noting his increasing agitation. "Falaaci….instead of taking me home, could you drop me off somewhere else?"

"Sure," she told him. "Want to tell me what's going on?"

"In the car."

Mike and Falaaci arrived to find the house filling up with relatives. Sarah's brother shook his hand and slapped his shoulder. Her sister hugged him, fighting back tears. Mike made his way to Jimmy, introducing his new partner.

"I called the local precinct," he told Mike. "It hasn't been long enough for a missing person's report…but I pulled some strings. They're sending detectives over."

Mike ran a hand through his hair. "This can't be happening," he said. "Wh…where was she going?"

"Nelsonville."

He was interrupted by the arrival of Detectives Ed Green and Nina Cassady. They quickly and efficiently took statements from Sarah's distraught parents and Jimmy. Then Green took Mike aside to talk while Cassady asked Falaaci some questions.

"How well do you know Sarah Johnson," Cassady asked Falaaci.

"Actually, I've never met her," she replied. "Logan and I haven't been partners very long and he never mentioned her to me. Until tonight, when he got the call from her uncle."

"What did he tell you about her?"

Falaaci shrugged. "He said he met her a few years ago and they've had an on and off relationship, but she broke up with him for good a few months ago."

"Did he seem angry about that?"

Falaaci frowned at the other detective. "Tonight is the first time he told me about Sarah," she said. "What he seemed was worried about her."

Cassady looked up from her notebook for a moment. "So…you were with Logan tonight? All night?"

"Since around ten. We were called out on a case."

"And before that? When was the last time you saw him?"

"We both left One PP around five," she said with a sigh.

"So you don't know where your partner was between five and ten?"

"Look, I know where this is going," Falaaci told her. "But you're on the wrong track here. Logan wouldn't hurt her."

"You know we have to check out every possibility," said Cassady. "And you said yourself that you haven't been partners long. And…." Cassady paused for a moment. "Your partner has some…uh…questionable behavior on his record."

"Yeah? And what about _your_ partner," Falaaci said heatedly. "He's had some excessive force complaints, hasn't he?"

Cassady and Falaaci stared at one another for a moment.

"Yeah, he has," agreed Cassady. "And if Green's ex-girlfriend was missing, you'd be asking me these same questions."

Falaaci sighed in resignation and nodded. "You're right," she said. "That's all I know."

Ed Green leaned against the kitchen counter and looked at Mike, who was sitting in a kitchen chair. They knew each other because they had both been partners with Lennie Brisco, but rarely ran into one another since Lennie's funeral.

"So tell me about your relationship with Sarah," Green said.

"We were…serious," Mike told him. "Until a few months ago."

"If your relationship ended, why did Deakins call you?"

"Grasping at straws, I guess," Mike said. "He couldn't find her, so he hoped maybe she was with me."

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"At the funeral for Goren's mother." Mike looked away for a moment. "But we didn't talk."

"Who ended the relationship?"

"She did."

"Did that make you angry?"

"Yeah," he said. "It made me angry." Mike glared at Green. "Do you want to know where I was last night?"

"Look, man," Green said, sitting down in a chair across the table. "You know the drill. A girl goes missing, there's an ex-boyfriend…of course we've got to look at you."

"There are a lot of places her car could have gone off the road, Ed." Mike swallowed and took a deep breath. "Sh…she could be out there now."

"I know, Mike," Ed told him softly. "We've got state troopers on the lookout. And we've got people trying to get in touch with anyone from that library that saw her. But right now, I need to rule you out as a suspect…help me do that."

Mike rubbed his hand over his face. "What do you need?"

"Let us search your apartment."

Nola Falaaci rinsed the coffee pot and poured more grounds into the coffee maker. She had lost count of the number of pots she made during the night. Mike was in the living room with the rest of Sarah's family. Everyone was awake but it was eerily silent in the house. Everyone seemed to be talked out, not to mention exhausted from being up all night.

She didn't know if her presence was helpful, but it seemed wrong to just leave. So she stayed and tried to be helpful; making coffee, washing cups, making more coffee. Green and Cassady had searched Logan's apartment. At his request, she went with them and took his dog, Marvin (Mike Logan with a dog? Seemed incongruous), to his neighbor and asked her to keep him until Logan got home. Of course, the search of his apartment had not been productive, but she admitted it needed to be done.

"Who are you?"

Falaaci turned to find a small Chinese girl, dressed in a Disney princesses nightgown, standing in the doorway watching her. 

"Hi," she said with a smile. "My name is Nola…what's yours?"

"I'm not 'sposed to talk to strangers," the girl told her.

Falaaci nodded, a serious expression on her face. "Right, right…that's a very good rule. My kids have the same rule. But my kids _are_ allowed to talk to police officers…are you?"

"Are you a police officer," the girl asked suspiciously.

"Yes, I am." Falaaci pulled her badge out of her pocket and handed it to the little girl, who examined it carefully, running her fingers over it. "I am Detective Nola Falaaci."

The girl handed her badge back to her, still watching her suspiciously.

"How come you're in my Gramma and Grampa's house?"

"I…uh…I'm just making coffee for the others….I came here with my partner….Detective Logan."

"'Tective Logan?" The girl's mouth fell open. "Is 'Tective Mike _here_?"

"Yes, he is…he's in the living room with your….."

She didn't get to finish her sentence as the girl spun on her heels and ran out of the kitchen. Falaaci followed her and arrived in the living room in time to see her launch herself, seemingly from across the room, into Mike Logan's arms. This time it was Falaaci's mouth that dropped open as she watched her cynical, wise-cracking partner tenderly wrap his arms around the sobbing girl and rock back and forth as he buried his face against her hair.

"I missed you, 'Tective Mike, I missed you," wailed the little girl.

"I missed you, too, Kidlet," Logan murmured softly, wiping the tears off her cheek with his fingers.

The girl finally realized there were other people in the room and looked around at all the adults curiously.

"How come everybody's here? And where's my Mommy?"

Falaaci saw Logan look over helplessly at Sarah's parents.

"Uh…I think maybe your grandparents need to have a talk with you, Kidlet. Why don't you go with them….."

"Mike," interrupted Sarah's mother. "Why don't you come with us to Jia Li's bedroom while we talk to her?"

Falaaci thought that was a good idea, considering the tiny girl had her arms wrapped in a death grip around Logan's neck. She was sure it would have been a tremendous battle if anyone had tried to dislodge her. Logan looked gratefully at Sarah's parents. Gathering the girl in his arms, he stood and followed them out of the living room.

When the four returned half an hour later, Jia Li was no longer crying, but her face was red and tear-streaked. She still had her arms tightly around Logan's neck and he seemed more than content to hold her. Falaaci was closest to the front door when a soft knock sounded and she opened it to find Green and Cassady standing there, looking discouraged. They stepped in and faced the hopeful faces of Sarah's family and Green gave a slight shake of his head to indicate there was no news. Realizing that Sarah's young daughter was now a part of the group, Ed Green hesitated, trying to frame his words in a way that wouldn't upset Jia Li.

"We…uh…we will begin interviewing Ms. Johnson's friends and coworkers to see if she contacted anyone last night and made last minute plans."

Falaaci saw Sarah's mother shake her head slightly, her mouth set in a grim line. Although she didn't know the woman, didn't know Sarah, she knew exactly what she was thinking. Falaaci was a mother herself…there was no way that Sarah had made other plans, gone anywhere, without telling the people who were caring for her daughter. Cassady saw the look, too.

"Look," she said, "we just need to find out if anyone heard…."

She was interrupted by the ringing of her partner's cell. He answered it and listened intently. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he closed his phone, and then looked at the group watching him carefully.

"They found her."

Annie sighed as she put her purse away in her office. It was early Sunday morning and she should have been at home sleeping late. But Bobby had gotten a call from Eames around two AM, telling him that Sarah Johnson was missing. Bobby and Alex met at Major Case to see if there was anything they could do to help with the search. Annie had called Jimmy Deakins and asked if there was anything she could do. He thanked her but told her there was nothing she could do for them right then. He told her that Mike was with the family and his new partner had been there making coffee and offering food. He added that later in the day he might ask Annie to take Jia Li to her house and get her away from the turmoil. Annie assured him that she was more than willing and to let her know.

She had spent time in prayer for Sarah, Jia Li, and their family. Unable to get back to sleep, she finally got up and showered. She decided she would go in and try to get some paperwork done. Sunday would be quiet…no other administration there, no endless meetings to attend, no ringing telephone. If she could keep her presence a secret, no complaining staff, either. And just maybe she could block out the doubts that had surfaced since her scare the day before. It turned out that Bobby had only taken the Mustang to Lewis for an oil change, but she couldn't erase the fear that clutched at her heart as she realized he wasn't home.

She sat down and got to work. She was right…without interruptions she was able to make short work of the stack of paperwork on her desk. After two hours, she finally stood and stretched. Although it would alert staff that she was in the hospital, she decided this was a good time to do an inventory and see if there were expired supplies that needed to be replaced. She locked her office and made her way to the emergency room. She stood for several minutes, unnoticed, and watched the bustle of the staff. How she missed this! She longed to be in there helping.

She noticed with relief that Stan Myers was not on duty today. His appearance in Frances' room to deliver flowers from the staff had unnerved her. He had not asked her out again or made any improper advances, but she could feel his eyes following her whenever she was in the ER. Her attention was caught by a gurney being pushed in from the ambulance bay. The paramedics were giving information to a resident and a nurse.

"….thirty-nine year old female involved an MVA, LOC at the scene, she's been in and out since we got on the scene, head trauma, looks like…."

"Mike…"

The voice was soft, faint, but Annie heard her and gasped. "Sarah?" She followed the gurney into a room as the paramedics continued rattling off symptoms, vital signs, and what had been done for her in the ambulance. Annie moved to the head of the gurney and looked down. It was Sarah, but her face was covered with bruises, cuts, and blood.

"Mike…."

"She's been calling for this 'Mike' as she drifts in and out of consciousness," one of the paramedics said.

Staying out of the way of the doctor and the nurse…now two nurses…taking care of Sarah, Annie leaned down spoke softly to her.

"Sarah, it's Annie….Annie Paine. You're in the hospital and we are going to take care of you."

"Annie?" Sarah's eyes opened and she tried to focus on Annie's face. "What…I don't….what…." Fear filled her eyes and she asked, "Where's Jia Li?"

"She's with your parents, Sarah. Jia Li is fine. She wasn't with you in the car."

"Car? Oh….God….my head hurts," she whimpered, closing her eyes again.

"I know, honey, I know. We will give you something as soon as we are sure it's safe. But the doctor needs to check you out first."

"Mike….."

"Sarah? Do you want Mike here? Do you want me to call him?"

"Mike? No!" Sarah's eyes flew open and she shook her head, wincing at the pain. "No, Annie….don't call him. Please….I can't…he said…..D…don't call him. He won't come. It's too late. Don't call him."

She closed her eyes again and Annie straightened and looked at the resident.

"I'm not seeing any obvious serious injuries," he told her. "No fractures that I can see. We'll get a CT of her head, X-rays, just to make sure and check that there's no cerebral hemorrhage. There's a scalp wound that will need sutures."

"OK," Annie said. "I know her family….I should call them and let them know she's here."

"I think the cops were going to notify her family," one of the paramedics said. "We found her purse in the car with her, with her ID."

"Alright. Thanks." Annie stood near the door for a moment before leaving. "I'll be back to check on her."

She walked out to find the receptionist trying to deal with a large group of people who were demanding they be let in to see Sarah. Annie walked quickly over and told the harried receptionist that she would handle it. Stepping out into the waiting room, she recognized Jimmy and Angie Deakins at the same time they saw her. They rushed over to her.

"Annie! Is she here? Have you seen her?"

Annie hugged the worried former captain.

"Yes, she's here and yes I've seen her." She held up a hand as several voices began demanding to see her. "I understand how upset and afraid you are. But we can't let anyone in just yet. She was just brought in a few minutes ago and the doctor and nurses are working on her and checking her for injuries."

"How did she seem," Angie asked.

"Look, the truth is that she looks bad…a lot of cuts and bruises, especially on her face. But," she added at the choked cry from Sarah's mother, "we don't know if there are any serious injuries until we do some tests. Just as soon as possible, we will let you see her. But only two at a time. Please…sit down out here and I will let you know as soon as we know anything."

The group began to move toward the waiting room chairs but Jimmy and Angie stayed with Annie.

"Do they know what happened," Annie asked.

Jimmy answered, "It looks like she hit a deer on Palisades Interstate Parkway when she was driving home from Nelsonville last night. Her car went off the road and hit a tree. It was hidden by some bushes so no one saw it last night. A trooper happened to see the deer on the side of the road this morning and started looking around…and found Sarah in the car."

"Oh my God…she was out there all night?"

Jimmy searched her face. "How do you think she is….really?"

Annie shrugged. "We'll know more after X-rays and a CT scan…but so far it doesn't look like anything serious, except…."

"Except?"

"Well, she has some head trauma and we always have to be careful about that. Hopefully it's nothing more than a concussion and she won't have any lasting effects."

"Is she awake," Angie asked.

"She's been in and out of consciousness. But when she's awake she seems lucid enough. She was worried about Jia Li. And…."

"And what," Jimmy asked.

"Well," Annie looked around. "Bobby said that Mike was with the family last night. Where is he? Why isn't he here?"

Jimmy shook his head and sighed. "We wanted him to come with us, we tried to talk to him. But he said that Sarah wouldn't want to see him and he insisted on staying with Jia Li. He said she was scared and needed someone she knows with her." He looked at her, noting her discomfort. "Why? What's going on?"

"Well," Annie stammered, arguing with herself about confidentiality. "It's just that…" Taking a deep breath, she plunged ahead. "Sarah was calling his name…and the paramedics said she had been doing that since they found her. But when I asked her if she wanted me to call him, she said no. She said that he won't come and that it's too late."

Jimmy rubbed his face and sighed. "Those two need someone to seriously shake some sense into them."

"You know…I…I can't call Mike. Sarah is a patient and she expressly told me not to."

"Yeah? Well, she didn't tell me, now did she?"

"What are you going to do," Angie asked her husband.

"What I should have done in the first place…I'm going back to the house and I'm going to tell Mike Logan to get his ass over here before I kick it!"

**End chapter 3**

16


	4. Chapter 4

**HITTING BOTTOM**

_Thank you Judyg, for betaing. _

_Picking up where chapter 3 left off. By the end of the chapter, I think you will all see where we are headed._

**CHAPTER 4**

"_**You worry about what she said, that your career is tainted by me?"**_

"_**I used to."**_

"_**And now?"**_

"_**It's too late."**_

_Eames' words linger between us, even as we move on to other cases. Have I tainted her career? Does she believe I have? Eames would make a good captain. But she told me once that she didn't take this job to get noticed. I have assumed that it was her choice not to take the sergeant's test, not to try for promotions. Is it possible that she simply doesn't try for promotions, thinking that she has no opportunity with me as a partner? How many lives have I tainted?_

Mike sat in the uncomfortable chair, watching Sarah. She had drifted in and out of consciousness all day. The doctors had assured the family that there was no skull fracture and no serious injuries, but she did have a concussion and so they would keep her in the hospital for twenty-four hours. When she was awake, she was lucid, but complained that her head hurt. At least, that's what he had been told. Deakins had insisted Mike come to the hospital, but Mike had insisted her parents, her brother and sister, all of her family, take turns sitting with her because only two at a time were allowed in her room. This was the first time he had seen her and she had been asleep for the hour that he had been sitting there.

Mike was alone in her room. The others had finally gone to get something to eat. He looked at her face. Even with all the bruising and cuts, he thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He picked up her hand and caressed it. The thought of Sarah trapped in her car all night, scared and in pain, made him want to punch a hole in a wall. Or cry.

He wondered if he should leave before she woke up and saw him there. The last thing he wanted to do right now was upset her. Even though Deakins told him that she was calling for him, Mike wasn't sure that meant she would be happy to find him in her hospital room. He knew Sarah loved him, she had admitted that. But in spite of that, she had decided to break up with him. Just because she called for him in an unguarded moment didn't mean she had changed her mind.

"You were right."

Mike was startled out of his reverie at the sound of her voice, soft and weak. He looked up to find her watching him.

"Right about what," he asked, still holding her hand.

"Librarians do die."

Mike remembered the fight they had the night she broke up with him. He had tried to reason with her, reminding her that it wasn't only cops who died suddenly. Mike got up and moved to sit on her bed, still holding her hand.

"Maybe…except _this_ librarian didn't die," he told her softly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so stupid."

"Hey," he said, putting a finger under her chin and lifting her face so that she was looking at him. "You did a stupid thing…I'll give you that. But _you_ stupid? Never."

Tears welled up in her dark eyes and slid down her cheeks. "Why are you here?"

"Because," he said with a grin, "your uncle threatened to kick my ass."

"Mike…" The tears were falling faster now.

"Sarah," Mike said seriously. Still holding her hand, he grasped her chin with his free hand and forced her to look at him. "Do you want me to leave? I don't want to make this hard for you….if you haven't changed your mind about us."

"But you said…."

"Forget what I said. _I_ was stupid. Sarah…I love you and I will do whatever you want. If you want me to leave, I will. But if you want me to stay…." He grinned at her again. "Then stop giving me such a hard time."

Through her sobs Sarah said, "I…w…want…you…t…to…stay."

Mike leaned down and kissed her gently. Kicking off his shoes, he stretched out next to her on the bed and gathered her into his arms. He held her as she cried softly against his chest.

"I'm here, Sweetheart," he whispered against her hair. "I'm here…and I'm not going anywhere."

He held her until her crying was spent and she drifted off, once again, to sleep.

Sarah was released the next day. Mike stayed with her all night, over the objections of the nursing staff that he was not "family". But just as the head nurse was ready to call Security and have him removed, Annie had arrived and overruled the nurse. The nurse glared at him every time she went into Sarah's room, but didn't bother him.

The doctor advised that Sarah not be alone for a few days, so she went to stay with her parents. She was nervous about seeing Jia Li…actually, she was nervous about Jia Li seeing her. Sarah had gotten a look at herself in a mirror and winced…she was concerned that Jia Li would be frightened by the cuts and bruises on her face, as well as the long, ugly laceration on her scalp, above her left eye. The hair around it had been shaved so that they could suture it.

"I look like Frankenstein's bride," she complained to Mike. "Jia Li is going to be scared."

Mike laughed and kissed her, assuring her that Jia Li would be happy to have her home. And he was right. The little girl was startled when she saw her mother, but she held Sarah's face between her small hands and insisted on kissing each of her mother's "owies".

Two days after Sarah's accident, she called Mike at work.

"Lewis just called me," she told him. "Tony's….the car was towed to his garage. He…he says the insurance company will want to total it…th…that it's too badly damaged to be restored."

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I know how much that car means to you."

"L…Lewis wants me to c..come and see it. But…I don't think I can, Mike. I was wondering…."

"I'll go," he told her. "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Because Mike had never been to Lewis' garage before, Bobby offered to drive him there. When they arrived, Bobby and Lewis greeted one another and Bobby introduced him to Mike.

"OK, man," Lewis said. "It's back here behind the garage. I gotta warn you though…it ain't pretty."

That was an understatement. As they emerged from the back door of the garage, Mike saw the twisted heap of metal that was unrecognizable as the gleaming 1960 Cadillac Series 62 black convertible, with white top and red interior. The car that Sarah's deceased husband's grandfather bought brand new. The car that his grandfather had given to Tony on his sixteenth birthday. The car that Tony had loved and nurtured. The car that Sarah loved because of the memories it held of the husband she loved so much and lost too soon. But more than all of that, when Mike looked at the crumpled car, he wondered how it was possible for Sarah to live through a crash that did that kind of damage to the car.

"Are you alright, Logan?"

He heard Bobby's voice through a haze. Fighting the rising nausea, he turned to Lewis and asked where the bathroom was. He rushed in, thinking that he was going to vomit. He didn't, but he leaned his hands against the counter, head down and eyes closed, as images ran through his mind. Images of the car hitting the deer and crashing into a tree, of Sarah, trapped in the crumpled metal he had just looked at. After a few minutes, he took a deep breath and stood up straight. He splashed cold water onto his face and dried it with a paper towel before joining Bobby and Lewis.

"You alright, man," Bobby asked again.

"Yeah…yeah, I'm OK. My God, Goren….how did she survive _that_?"

"It's those old cars," Lewis offered. "All that heavy metal….I can't tell you how many of them I've seen like that. The car is demolished, but the driver walks away with minor injuries."

Mike nodded. He shook hands with Lewis as they left, and thanked him. He told him that he would let Sarah know that he was right and there was nothing he could do to restore the car. When he arrived at Sarah's parents' house later, the sight of her bruises and cuts made him nauseous again for a moment. He pulled her into his arms and held her for a long time without speaking. Sarah's parents managed to distract Jia Li and take her into the kitchen to finish preparing dinner while they gave Sarah and Mike some time alone. They sat on the sofa, Mike's arm around Sarah's shoulders as he explained that Lewis was right…the car was beyond repair.

"I feel like I let Tony down," Sarah said tearfully.

Mike pulled her close and told her, "Let me tell you something. I never met the man, but I can tell you without any doubt….Tony wouldn't have cared about that car. He would have been as happy as I am that you are alright. That's the only thing that matters to me and I know it's the only thing that would have mattered to him."

He held her as she cried, remembering that Annie had told him that a concussion could cause "emotional lability",

Mike went to see Sarah at her parents' house every evening when he got off work. The first night that Sarah and Jia Li went home to their own house, he brought dinner over for the three of them. After Jia Li was in bed, after she insisted that 'Tective Mike read her a bedtime story, Mike and Sarah sat on the sofa and "necked". It wouldn't go any further that night, Mike knew…not with Jia Li in the house. But he held her and relished the feel of her in his arms, the taste of her mouth, the scent of her hair. They kissed and whispered and touched one another for a long time before Sarah pulled back with a reluctant sigh.

"Mike, there's something I need to tell you."

"OK." This didn't sound good.

"Well, since we've been apart, I've been….well, I've been going to church."

Mike didn't know what he expected her to say, but this wasn't it.

"Church? You mean you've been going with Annie?"

"No, not with Annie…although I have been going to Annie's church. She was so busy with Bobby's mother that she hasn't been there in quite a while."

"But you've been going?"

"Yes. At first I went because Jia Li missed going with Annie and the kids, so I took her one week. And…I really liked it. I liked the people, I liked the music, I liked the things the pastor had to say. So we went back the next week, and the next. And…well, we've been going almost every week."

"So what are you saying? You've converted?"

Sarah shrugged. "I don't really know what that means. I just know that I like to go, and Jia Li likes to go….and…I didn't know what you would think about us attending church…you know…if you and I are together."

He frowned for a minute. "Are you planning to insist that I go?"

"No...no, nothing like that," she said, shaking her head. "I just know that you don't really like…religion. So if Jia Li and I are going to church…is that going to make you uncomfortable?"

Mike sat back and sighed. He stretched his arm along the back of the sofa and twirled a lock of Sarah's dark hair around his finger as he gave her question serious thought. Sarah watched him silently.

"You're right that I don't have any use for religion, and I'm not sure I even buy this whole God thing. But I know there are some churches and some religious people who do good things. I don't have anything against them or their beliefs…I just don't share them. Annie's a good example…hell of a great woman." He trailed his finger along her jaw line. "Sarah, if you and the Kidlet like going to church…I've got no problem with that. Did you think I would walk out on you just because you want to go to church?"

"The thought occurred to me," she said, tears filling her eyes.

He smiled and pulled her into his arms as her tears overflowed. He held her against his chest as she cried quietly, wondering how long she would continue to have these crying jags.

"I took Logan over to Lewis' garage the other day after work to see Sarah's car," Bobby told Annie one evening as they cleaned the kitchen after dinner.

"You did?" Annie tried not to show how surprised she was. It was becoming rare for Bobby to share things about his day with her. "How did it look?"

He shook his head sadly. "It's completely destroyed. I thought Logan was going to get sick when he saw it, and I understand why. It's unbelievable that she survived something like that with just a few cuts and bruises."

She smiled teasingly. "You mean…it was a miracle?"

Her smile faltered as his serious expression stared back at her. "I doubt that."

"Umm…Bobby," she said as he turned away to finish loading the dishwasher. He looked at her without answering, waiting for her to continue. "I…I think I should tell you something. The day that Sarah was brought into the hospital, she was drifting in and out of consciousness and she was calling for Mike. But when I asked her if she wanted me to call him, she said she didn't want me to. And I didn't, but…."

"But?"

"Well…I told Captain Deakins and he went and got Mike."

She waited for his reaction, remembering how many arguments they had about her interfering. Remembering how angrily he had accused her of thinking she knew what was best for everyone.

"Well," Bobby said thoughtfully. "It seems like everything worked out."

He turned and resumed putting dishes in the dishwasher. Annie wasn't sure whether to be relieved or concerned. Did he think she had done the right thing…or did he just not care anymore?

The weekend following Sarah's accident, Jia Li spent the weekend with her paternal grandparents, and Mike spent the weekend with Sarah. Truly alone with her at last, Mike told her about Holly/Kathleen…the neighbor he had met while they were apart, sharing one evening with her, one kiss, and the prospect of more, before she committed suicide.

"Were you in love with her?"

Mike shook his head. "I was in love with you. I didn't know if I would ever be able to love anyone else, but Kathleen was special and I wanted to find out."

"That poor woman," Sarah said softly as tears slid down her cheeks. "She must have been so afraid and in so much pain to take her own life."

Mike smiled and pulled her into his arms. He wondered if her tears were from compassion or a residual effect of the concussion. It seemed as though she had cried every day since the accident.

Lying in her bed, kissing her, he gently pulled her clothes off and saw for the first time the bruises on the rest of her body. The sight of the bruises, many now fading to a sickly yellow, was almost more than he could bear. This time it was Mike who was nearly in tears.

"I know it looks ugly," Sarah said, seeing his expression and trying to cover herself with the sheet. "We don't have to…"

"Sarah…" Mike gently pried the sheet from her hands. "I'm upset thinking about the pain you must have gone through. You could never be ugly to me, and I want you just as much as I ever have. But I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," she whispered, reaching for him.

Pushing her back onto the bed, Mike kissed each and every bruise before making gentle love to her. Later, as Sarah snuggled sleepily against him, he kissed the top of her head.

"So…uh…what about this whole church thing? Don't they kind of frown on sex?"

"Maybe," she admitted. "I don't know yet what all of their beliefs are, and I don't know what I think or believe about them." She raised her head and looked up at him. "But I do know how I feel about you…and what I think and believe about being here with you."

He looked at her for a moment before covering her mouth with his and kissing her hungrily.

Two weeks after the accident, Mike arrived at Sarah's house after work for dinner. He had brought a surprise guest.

"A dog," squealed Jia Li as Marvin knocked her over and began licking her face. "Is he for me, 'Tective Mike?"

"Whoa…wait a minute, Kidlet," Mike told her, laughing as the little girl kept one arm firmly around the big dog's neck as the dog continued licking her. "This is Marvin, and he is my dog. I wanted to introduce you and see how you two would get along."

"We _love_ each other!"

"Mike…what have you done?"

Mike looked up to find Sarah standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Can I take Marvin outside to play, Mommy?"

"I think that's a good idea," Mike said. He walked Jia Li and Marvin to the back door and threw the ball he had brought. Jia Li laughed and clapped her hands as the dog shot across the yard after the ball. Closing the door, he turned to face Sarah. "Well, that will keep them busy for a while. Marvin will play all night long, if Jia Li doesn't get tired first."

"Mike…"

"I'm sorry…" He held his hands up in a placating manner. "I should have told you about Marvin before springing him on you."

"Marvin? Where did you get him…and when?"

"He belonged to Kathleen…the woman I told you about. After she…after she died, I took the dog until her family could come for him. But her family wasn't able to keep him and they were going to find a home for him. So…I kept him."

"Why? I don't remember you ever saying you wanted a dog."

"I never did. I guess I just suddenly realized…how empty my apartment was."

"Oh, Mike…" Sarah put her arms around him. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey…no more apologies," he whispered against her lips.

They stood at the window and watched Jia Li playing with the dog, who was running in circles, barking happily.

"He's kind of big for an apartment, isn't he," asked Sarah.

"Yeah, well…I take him for walks and take him to the dog park. He acts just like that when I do. I don't think Kathleen lived in an apartment when she got him…but he seems to be adjusting."

"Maybe…maybe a house with a backyard would be better for him."

"Maybe," Mike said softly, leaning down to kiss her. "Are you sure about that?"

"Well, Jia Li loves him already. And if he's going to be alone while you are at work, he might as well be in a backyard where he can play." She smiled at him. "You'll come to visit him, won't you?"

"All the time."

"And you'll clean up after him?"

"Yeah..that, too," he chuckled.

"But…what about your empty apartment?"

"I don't think it was the apartment that was empty," he said softly. "I think it was my life. And that doesn't seem to be much of a problem anymore."

"You're distracted," Tom accused as they walked through the house. It was the fifth one they had looked at on a crisp autumn day.

"Sorry…it's a lovely house."

"Nice try," Tom told her with a grin.

"It really is lovely."

"But not The One?"

"No…not The One. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. It's going to be our home…it has to be right."

After telling the disappointed realtor that they would not be making a bid on the house and that they were done looking for the day, he suggested they stop for dinner on the way home. Once they were settled in a booth, a beer in front of each of them, and had ordered their food, Tom reached across the table to take her hand.

"So, what's up? I know your distraction is about more than looking for just the right house. What's going on?"

"I'm worried about Bobby," she said with a sigh. "I know it's not easy to get over the death of a parent, especially when you have the baggage that Bobby and his mother had. But it's been months now and he's still…not himself."

"Not himself how?"

She shook her head. "It's hard to say, exactly. He's still quiet…depressed, I guess. But there's more. He's always had a different way of interrogation, but he was always in control. When he dumped a perp into the ocean, I just chalked it up to disgust…and maybe lack of sleep. But then, just the other day, he did something with another suspect that shook me. He hurt and threatened this old man…not even to get a confession to the crime, which would have been bad enough…that's not Bobby. But to get him to admit he was a fraud." Alex shook her head again. "It just isn't the same controlled Bobby working a perp to get a confession…it's like his control is slipping and humiliation isn't part of his plan to extract a confession. Humiliating these guys seems to be…personal for him."

"You think he's dangerous?"

"I think if he doesn't watch himself, he's going to end up with an excessive force charge. But that's not all…do you remember that case we had over the summer with the tainted mouthwash?" When Tom nodded, Alex continued. "Bobby met with our perp alone…twice. And he didn't tell me about it; I found out after the fact. We hadn't even made her as a suspect at the time, but that just isn't Bobby. He may not always tell me what's going on at home…but on a case? He doesn't keep things from me."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"Not directly…I've tried to ask him subtlety what's going on with him. But he's not talking. I've even thought about talking to Annie about it, but I don't know how they are doing now that they are back together and I don't want to cause any problems between them."

Tom lifted her hand and kissed the palm. "So what are you going to do, Detective?"

"I don't know…just keep an eye on him, I guess, and hope he works through this soon. Meanwhile," she said, pulling brochures out of her purse. "I think I'm going to enjoy dinner and discuss house hunting with my fiancée." She pushed one brochure across the table. "I know I'm being really picky…but the first one we looked at today has possibilities."

Tom grinned at her as he reached for the brochure. "Yeah, I liked it, too. And we can keep it in mind. But unless we know for sure that it's The One, we'll keep looking. OK?"

"OK. Have I mentioned lately that I love you?"

"Yeah, you have…but you know, it never gets old."

Annie frowned with curiosity as she put Bobby's laundry away in his dresser. She turned to him as he entered the bedroom.

"Bobby? Why is this brick on your dresser?"

"Oh…I…uh…I bought it from a homeless guy the other day."

"You bought it?"

Bobby shrugged. "He needed money…he was panhandling. And he had that brick, kind of intimidating people who walked by. He was scaring people. So…I bought it from him."

"And brought it home to decorate the bedroom," she asked with a smile.

"It's…it's just a reminder. That life is tough for some people."

Annie nodded, although she wasn't sure she really understood. It seemed like she hadn't really understood Bobby for a long time. It had been five months since his mother's death but still he was quiet and withdrawn, sharing little about his feelings or thoughts. The summer had passed, the children were back in school, she and Bobby went to their jobs, everything looked normal…from the outside. She wondered, not for the first time, if things would ever be "normal" again…unsure, even, of what that word meant anymore.

Over the next few days, Bobby seemed more distant than ever. He came home very late a couple of nights, telling her that he and Alex had to go upstate to interview witnesses. If he was immersed in a difficult case, that explained his behavior somewhat. His focus was such that he tended to withdraw into himself, working out facts and details in his head as he tried to unravel the mystery. There was a time, however, that he would have told her about it. At least, he would have told her some of the bare facts, what he was working on, even if he didn't go into too much detail. Then one day he stopped at the hospital and went to her office to tell her that he would be away for a few days.

"You're going undercover? You haven't done that in a long time. For how long?"

"I don't know," Bobby told her. "A week...two…maybe more."

"More than two weeks?"

"It's a big one."

"You'll miss Halloween."

"I know…tell the kids…tell them I'm sorry."

"OK, well…" She reached for a pen. "What is your captain's contact number…in case there's a emergency."

Bobby shook his head. "If there's an emergency, just call Eames."

"She isn't going with you?"

"No. She's my contact. So..if you need anything, if there's an emergency, call Eames and she will know how to contact me."

"OK." She got up and moved around the desk, putting her arms around his waist. "Be careful, Bobby."

His arms wrapped around her and pulled her tightly against him. He leaned down and kissed her for a long time, leaving her breathless.

"I love you, Annie," he whispered hoarsely.

"I love you, too, Bobby."

Then, with one last kiss, he was gone. It wasn't until Annie was getting ready for bed that night that she noticed the brick on his dresser was gone. She wondered for a moment why he had taken it, and then thought that he must have decided to drop it at a construction site. Sighing, Annie climbed into bed and curled herself around Bobby's pillow, burying her face and inhaling his scent as she whispered a prayer for his safety.

**End chapter 4**

17


	5. Chapter 5

**HITTING BOTTOM**

_This chapter takes place during and after Untethered. I am not going to spend any time with the actual episode itself, other than to touch on Bobby in "heaven" at the very beginning. I want to pick up after that ambulance leaves Tates and explore the aftermath for Bobby, Annie, and others._

_Thank you, as always, to Judyg for beta'ing this chapter for me._

**CHAPTER 5**

_Annie….. _

"**She had big doe eyes. I called her Bambi**."

_Focus on the light. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…._

"_**Dad tells me your mom just died…a nut job."**_

_Eames will come…._

"_**It's all about her, isn't it? Bambi…the one woman I could have loved."**_

_So thirsty….._

"_**It's your nephew…Donny."**_

_Donny…gotta save Donny….._

"_**It's just that I never knew for sure."**_

_10, 9, 8, 7….Eames….._

"_**I know you're worried about your nephew's safety and mental health. I'm worried about yours."**_

_Not fair….so hot….._

"_**We were together the night Kennedy was elected."**_

_Too much…can't do this…._

"_**It's just that I never knew for sure."**_

_Annie….._

Annie was sitting at her desk, working on the nursing schedule when the phone rang.

"Annie…." 

"Alex?" Annie's heart rate picked up. Her husband was undercover and his partner was calling….please, God, let her just be checking in. "Is something wrong? Is Bobby alright?"

She heard Alex sigh. "He's….going to be OK."

"Going to be?" Annie felt nauseous. "What happened? Where is he?"

"Look, Annie….I can't give you all the details right now. But Bobby's in the hospital…."

"Where?"

"Look….Riche is going to pick you up at your house and drive you up here. He's going to be OK, Annie. But he's severely dehydrated and….I'll tell you all about it when you get here."

"Why is Riche picking me up….and driving me 'up where'? Where are you? Where is Bobby?"

"We're upstate. Annie…I know this is scary and I know that you want answers….but I'll tell you about it when you get here, OK? Just pack an overnight bag, make arrangements for the kids, and Riche will be there in about an hour."

Mike was sitting at his desk, going over a ballistics report that Falaaci had given him. His partner had gone to pick up lunch for both of them. His glance fell on the coffee mug sitting on her desk….purple, with the word "Princess" printed in large letters across it. He had snickered the first time he saw it, a purple "Princess" mug seemed so incongruous with her tough, no-nonsense persona. She had ignored him and calmly went on drinking her coffee.

The squad room seemed quiet today, for some reason. Goren and Eames were out. Everyone had heard about Goren's "sick leave"….and everyone knew the real reason for it was a confrontation with the captain that concluded with the captain ordering him to take a week off and go to Psych Services. When Mike came to work that morning, Eames and Captain Ross were nowhere to be found. Rumor had it that the night before, they had left the squad room together…and seemed to be in a big hurry. Then this morning, Riche had gotten a phone call. He refused to say who called him, but suddenly he disappeared as well. Mike had a sinking feeling that it was related to Eames and Ross…and to Goren. He hoped the detective was not in more trouble. His pondering came to an end when his phone rang.

"Logan," he answered.

"I hope you know," said Sarah, "that I spent half an hour arguing with Jia Li about what she was going to wear to school today. She wanted to wear her costume again." She sighed and then giggled. "I think she might wear it every day until _next_ Halloween, if I let her."

"Well," Mike told her, "it was a great costume."

"Even if Marvin is the wrong color?"

Mike chuckled. When Jia Li excitedly told him that she was going to be Little Orphan Annie for Halloween, and that Marvin was going to be Orphan Annie's dog Sandy, he had pointed out that Sandy was white while Marvin was black. Jia Li had looked at him as though he was not very bright.

"You hafta use your 'magination, 'Tective Mike," she told him solemnly.

When he arrived at their house the night before, he had to admit that the curly red wig and the dress were adorable. Jia Li was very excited as they went house to house. Mike's job was to keep a tight hold on Marvin's leash, since the excitable dog was even more rambunctious than usual from all the children and, he suspected, some illicit candy consumption.

"Are you coming over after work," Sarah asked.

"Yeah, I'll be there. I might need to go through Jia Li's candy again…just to be safe," he chuckled.

"Yes, you were so conscientious last night; I'm surprised she has any candy left. And I'm sure she appreciates you taking the risk and eating all that candy that you thought might be bad."

"Well, I'm a cop…always here to protect and serve. Hey," he said, changing the subject, "have you talked to Annie lately?"

"No, not for…." Sarah paused and thought about it. "Not for a few weeks, I think. Why?"

"I just wondered if she had said anything about Goren…how he's doing, when he's coming back to work…that kind of thing."

"No. I wondered if I should call her when you told me that Bobby was forced to take sick leave, but I just thought she would call me if she wanted to talk. Maybe you should call Bobby."

"Yeah…maybe. Or I'll just wait 'til Eames gets back and ask her."

"Gets back? Where is she?"

"I don't know…she hasn't been in today. And neither has Ross."

"Oh…are you worried that something has happened to Bobby? Maybe I should call Annie?"

"No…you don't need to do that, Sweetheart. My imagination is probably just running away with me. Not enough to keep me busy, I guess…idle hands and all that. I'll see you tonight, OK?"

"OK. Mike? I love you."

"I love you, too, Sweetheart."

Annie called Janey and asked her to pick the children up and keep them overnight. She was sitting on the couch, her bag next to her, trying to stay calm when Riche arrived. The long drive upstate was mostly silent, although Riche tried to make small talk. She tried to ask questions, but he denied any knowledge of Bobby or his undercover assignment, stating only that Captain Ross had called him that morning and given him instructions. When he finally pulled up in front of the hospital, he told her to go in and he would follow after parking the car.

Annie asked for Bobby at the information desk and was told what floor and room to find him. As the elevator doors opened she saw Alex standing in the hallway and hurried towards her.

"Alex! What is going on? How is he?"

Alex took her arm and stopped her from going into the room immediately. She kept her hand on Annie's arm as she talked.

"Bobby was undercover in Tates Prison. He….uh….he faked schizophrenia to get himself into the psych unit because we had information that they were tor….restraining inmates. Before we could get to him, he had been restrained without food or water for….well….he's severely dehydrated. They've got IV fluids going and they are doing tests for his kidneys and….they are doing a lot of tests to make sure there was no….damage."

Annie stared at her incredulously. Kidney damage? How long had he been without fluids? And why was he undercover up here? But more than she wanted answers, she wanted to see Bobby. She nodded her head.

"OK…I….I need to see him."

"He's….conscious, but he's been sleeping mostly since he got here."

Alex released her arm and put her hand on her shoulder as she went with her into the room. He was lying in the bed with his eyes closed. Had it only been a few days since she had seen him? It suddenly seemed much longer. His face was covered with several days worth of stubble, his short graying hair was mussed. Her breath caught in her throat at the gray pallor and sunken cheeks. She had seen this look on people many times in the ER…before they….she didn't allow the word to enter her brain. His wrists were red and chafed. She quickly walked to the bed as Alex slipped quietly from the room.

"Bobby?" Her voice was soft as she laid a gentle hand on his cheek. His eyes opened slowly and it seemed to take a few moments for him to focus on her face.

"Babe…" he whispered hoarsely. He reached up to cover the hand on his cheek with his own, the IV tubing taped to his arm. He turned his face to kiss her palm, then closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep. She sat for a moment, watching him, then got up and checked the IV fluid to see what they were giving him. She checked the chart at the foot of his bed showing how much fluid had gone in and how much he had urinated. The amounts didn't match, which worried her. A heart monitor beeped quietly above his bed and she watched the lines forming as his heart beat. It looked like a normal rhythm.

She stepped out into the hallway to find a nurse and ask about the tests they had done. She didn't see Alex, but at the far end of the hall, just outside the waiting room, she saw Riche talking to Captain Ross. At the sight of the captain, rage bubbled up in her. Without thinking about what she was doing, Annie marched determinedly towards the men. Captain Ross saw her and moved towards her.

"Ms. Paine, I'm sorry ab…."

His words were cut off….he hadn't even seen her fist before it landed just below his right eye. Her forward momentum and the element of surprise gave the punch enough power to knock the captain backwards into the wall behind him.

Ally took her cell phone and stepped onto Rob and Janey's back patio. Her brothers were playing a very noisy game with Janey's sons, completely unaware of what was going on with their parents…like the children they were. She pulled up the phone number and pushed the call button.

"Hello."

"Hi Grandpa."

"Ally! This is a nice surprise! How are you, honey?"

"OK, I guess."

"You guess? What's wrong, Ally?"

"Mom and Dad are off somewhere upstate and they left us with Janey and they won't even tell us what's going on!"

"They're upstate? Did they go away for some time alone?"

"No! Dad left a few days ago and then today Mom took off and didn't even tell us. Janey picked us up from school and said that Mom would call us and explain."

"Did she?"

"Well, she called. She said that Daddy was working and he got hurt."

"Bobby's hurt?" Grandpa's voice was concerned.

"Mom wasn't even there yet, when she called. But she won't tell us how he got hurt or why he was working up there. She just said she would call us when she 'knows more'."

"Well, honey, if your mother says she will call and tell you more later, then she will."

"She treats me like a little kid! She acts like I'm a child, like Andrew and Phillip."

"I'm sure she's doing what she thinks is best."

"Yeah, right! Like not telling me why Daddy has been gone all this time. And she took us to the Halloween carnival last night like nothing was going on. So we were at a stupid carnival, playing stupid games, while Daddy was off somewhere getting hurt! Sometimes I just hate her!"

"Now you stop that right this minute, young lady," Grandpa said harshly. "I don't know what is going on up there, but I know your Mama loves your Daddy and she loves you and she loves your brothers more than anything in this world. And I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt any of you. If she had any idea that your father was hurt last night, she wouldn't have taken you to that carnival. She would have done everything in her power to help him. You just need to calm yourself down and wait for them to get home and let them tell you happened."

Ally sniffed, not used to her gentle Grandpa taking that tone with her.

"They won't tell me anything," she said softly.

"They will tell you whatever they think you need to know," he told her. "Ally," he added, his voice soothing again, "have your Mom and Dad been fighting?"

"No, they don't fight. They don't even talk. They barely even talk to us."

"Well, you've all been through a tough time. Losing your Grandma was awfully hard on both of your parents. It's going to take time for them to get back to normal."

Ally couldn't stop the tears as she said, "I don't even know what that means, Grandpa. Nothing's been normal for a long time. Mom and Dad started fighting a lot and then Daddy left us and then he came back home but Grandma was sick and that's all anyone could think about. Then she died and Daddy has been all quiet and sad…and it's been, like, _months_! And Mom is quiet, too. And they don't fight but they just look at each other all sad and stuff when the other one isn't looking. Nothing's ever gonna be normal again."

"I know it feels like that, honey. And I know that when you're fourteen, time just seems to go so slowly. But it really does take time. I know your Mom and Dad are going to work through this. But anytime you or your brothers need to talk, your old Grandpa is here."

"Thanks, Grandpa," Ally said, wiping her wet cheeks.

"You're welcome, Princess."

"Oh Grandpa…I'm too old for that princess stuff."

"Sorry…you'll never be too old to be my Princess Alexandra."

Ally giggled. "I have to go now. Janey is calling us for dinner." She hesitated a moment before adding, "I love you, Grandpa."

"I love you, too, honey. You call me anytime, you hear?"

"I hear, Grandpa, and I will."

As Ally ended the call, she wiped her hands over her face, hoping no one would notice that she had been crying. Sighing, she stood and turned to go back into the house for dinner.

"What the hell was my husband doing undercover three hundred miles outside of the city?" Annie's voice was low and furious. "And where was his backup? How could he have been restrained that long without anyone knowing about it?"

With her focus on the captain, Annie hadn't paid attention to Riche, but as she took another step towards Ross she suddenly found her arms jerked behind her back by the big detective as he propelled her roughly into the waiting room. He let go of her arms as he shoved her into the room. She almost fell, but caught herself in time.

"What the hell is wrong with you," Riche roared at her. "Do you realize you just assaulted a cop?"

She turned towards him and said furiously, "You want to see assault? I'm just getting started!"

Annie took about three steps towards Riche when she suddenly found herself face down on the floor, her right arm pulled painfully behind her and a knee pressing into her back. But this time it wasn't Riche's voice that yelled at her, but Alex Eames'.

"Annie! Stop this now or I'm going to arrest you myself! Do you understand?"

"Yes!"

Alex released her arm and stood up. As Annie got to her feet, Alex grabbed her arm and shoved her roughly into a chair. Annie tried to stand up, but Alex pushed her back down.

"Sit there or I'm going to cuff you to the damned chair!" Annie sat back in the chair and glared up at Alex. She was a few inches taller and more than a few pounds heavier than Alex, but she knew she was no match for the detective's strength and training. Alex paced agitatedly back and forth in front of her. "For God's sake Annie….you just assaulted a cop!"

"I assaulted the man responsible for my husband being in this hospital," she yelled.

Alex stopped in front of her and stood with her hands on her hips. "You don't know what you're talking about. Ross didn't send Bobby here. He didn't even know he was here until last night."

Annie stared at her. "But….then….how could he not know? Who sent him here? And why wouldn't his captain know about it?"

Alex sighed and sank into the chair next to her. "Because," she said wearily, "no one sent Bobby here. He wasn't undercover for the department. He came on his own."

"Why would he do that," Annie asked softly, struggling to understand.

"He wanted to help Donny."

"Donny? Who is Donny?"

Alex looked at her in surprise. "Donny….Carlson. Frank's son."

Annie shook her head as though to clear it. This wasn't making sense. "Frank? Bobby's brother?" Alex nodded. "What are you talking about, Alex? Frank doesn't have a son."

Alex sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Bobby didn't tell you."

"He said he was going undercover and to call you if I needed anything. What does Frank have to do with this?"

Alex sat forward and leaned her arms on her knees. "OK…Frank caught me outside One PP one morning. He said that he has a nineteen year old son who was in trouble and he wanted me to ask Bobby to help. Donny was arrested up here for possession and got a year. But he called Frank and said they were torturing inmates and someone died. I got Donny transferred to Riker's while Bobby and I checked into his story and an inmate did die. But we couldn't keep Donny in New York and he was sent back here. Bobby didn't want to wait for the IG to investigate because he was worried Donny was in danger. So he came up here…without the captain's knowledge….and got himself arrested."

"And you knew about this?"

Alex nodded. "Yes I did. We had a system for him to check in and when he missed calling in, I went to the captain and we headed up here. By the time we got to him, he was dehydrated and delirious. We got him transported here to the hospital….and I called you."

Annie sat back in the chair and tried to digest all this information. Not only had Bobby not told her the truth about his "undercover assignment", he hadn't mentioned Frank or this son. She didn't want to think about why he kept it all from her. Not now. She looked up as Riche entered the room, followed by Captain Ross holding an ice pack to his cheek. Annie paled as the full realization of what she had done hit her.

"Captain…I'm so sorry….I…" she stammered, trying to find the words.

Ross shook his head as he sank into a chair. "No need to apologize, Ms. Paine. It was a misunderstanding…don't worry about it. Maybe you should go sit with your husband now."

She nodded wordlessly and got up. She walked out of the waiting room and down the hall to Bobby's room. The nurse was hanging a fresh IV bag and she answered Annie's questions about the tests that had been done. She told her that the doctor would make rounds later in the evening and would talk to her then. When she left, Annie pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down. She watched Bobby sleeping, thinking about everything Alex had told her. She leaned forward and folded her arms on the bed, next to her husband.

"Why didn't you tell me," she whispered before laying her head on her arms and letting the tears fall.

Elizabeth Rodgers was sitting in her office, making final notes on an autopsy before heading home. She hadn't heard from Danny Ross since Eames had gotten onto the elevator with them to tell Danny about Goren's unauthorized undercover stint upstate at Tates. She had hoped he would call and let her know what was going on and if Goren was alright. She tried to push away the nagging voice that was telling her something must be really wrong with Goren if Danny wasn't calling her. She shook her head and tried to concentrate on her notes.

She had been disappointed when Eames stepped onto that elevator, knowing from the look on her face that this was likely the end of her date with Danny. She had really wanted to see that opera. Of course, she could have gone by herself, as Danny suggested. But as much as she had been looking forward to the opera itself, she had been looking forward to time alone with Danny Ross even more. The evening was ruined and she didn't want to ruin a perfectly good opera with her self-pity. So she had gone home, hung her new dress back in the closet, and then sprawled in her large armchair, eating Butter Pecan ice cream and watching "Die Hard 3". Hardly a substitute for an elegant evening at the opera, in the company of a handsome police captain.

Sighing, she pushed the file away, finally admitting she just couldn't keep her mind on work any longer today. She would just go home and finish this report in the morning. She jumped as her cell phone began to vibrate on her desk. She reached to answer it.

"Rodgers."

"Elizabeth," said Danny's deep voice.

"Danny! Are you alright? Is Goren alright?"

"Goren is in the hospital," he told her with a sigh. "We are waiting to hear from the doctor if he will be ready to leave tomorrow."

"What happened?"

"He was restrained and denied food and water, just like Jay Lowry. By the time we got to him, he was incoherent and slipping in and out of consciousness. The doctors here think there's no permanent damage, but they want to watch him overnight."

Elizabeth let out a sigh of relief. "Well, at least you got to him in time. Does his wife know?"

There was silence on the other end for a moment before Danny said, "Yes, she knows. She's here."

She couldn't identify what it was she heard in his voice. "Is something wrong? She's not threatening to sue the department, is she? I would think Goren will be lucky if he still has his badge when the dust settles."

"No…she's not threatening to sue the department. Her threats are much more…physical…in nature. And more localized."

"What are you talking about?"

Again there was silence before he answered. "She gave me a black eye," he finally said quietly.

"She…what?"

"She gave me a black eye. She thought I sent Goren up here without backup and before anyone could explain the situation to her, she punched me in the eye."

Now it was Elizabeth who was silent, trying to process this information.

"Goren's wife punched you," she said slowly. "Goren's wife…little blond thing…likes to go to church all the time?"

"I wouldn't know about church," Danny replied stiffly. "But yes, it was Goren's wife."

More silence, and then Elizabeth began to giggle, softly at first, then louder as she imagined the scene. 

"I'm glad you find this so amusing, Doctor."

"Oh," she gasped, "I do, Captain, I do!"

She was outright laughing now, not even trying to control herself. Danny didn't say anything, he just waited. Finally her laughter began to fade and she was able to breathe again. Wiping the tears that had fallen down her cheeks, she felt able to talk again.

"So, what happened? Did you arrest her…charge her with assaulting a police officer?"

"No, I didn't. Eames explained everything to her and she apologized. I felt it was better to just let it go."

"Uh huh…" Elizabeth tried to suppress a new fit of giggles. "It would be rather embarrassing to get up in court and testify in a case like that."

"I can assure you that embarrassment has nothing to do with it. It's obvious that Goren kept her in the dark as much as he did me…more so, actually. She was overwrought and scared and she thought I was responsible for what happened to him. I just didn't think throwing her in jail was appropriate."

"I'm sorry I laughed, Danny," she said soberly. "Are you alright? Did a doctor look at your eye?"

"I'm fine and yes, a doctor checked me out. I just need to keep ice on it." He sighed. "Even with ice, I can see I'm going to have quite a shiner. And I'm guessing this is going to be all over Major Case before I get back."

"I won't say anything," she promised.

"No, and Eames probably won't either. But this may be too big to expect Riche to keep quiet."

"Riche saw it?"

"That's who pulled her off of me."

Trying very hard to keep her voice from betraying a new outburst of laughter that was bubbling up, Elizabeth added, "You needed someone to pull her off of you?"

"When she hit me, I fell back against the wall and she came after me again."

"Oh." Unable to control herself any longer, she began laughing uncontrollably.

"You know, you have an atrocious bedside manner," Danny told her.

But as her hilarity continued, she heard a slight sigh and then a soft chuckle. Soon, Danny was laughing with her.

"She really did deck me," he said.

"Well, I'm glad you're OK. And I expect a rain check for that opera."

"Absolutely. I would make Goren pay for it, but I doubt that he is going to be buying any opera tickets in the near future."

"What do you think will happen to him?"

"I don't know…at the very least he's looking at suspension. I'll do what I can to keep his job."

"Are you going to be in any trouble?"

He sighed. "I don't know. This certainly isn't going to endear me to the Chief. I will just have to wait and see how it all shakes out. I should let you go. We need to see about a couple of motel rooms for the night. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

"Take care of yourself, Captain."

"Thank you, Doctor."

After hanging up the phone, Elizabeth gathered her things and headed home. She had some Butter Pecan ice cream left from last night, and the DVD of "Die Hard 4".

The doctor made rounds that evening and spoke with Annie. The tests so far didn't show any damage to Bobby's kidneys or other organs, and the doctor said that he might release Bobby the next day, depending on whether he was urinating a sufficient amount and the blood tests were normal. Alex told her that they had arranged for motel rooms nearby, but Annie insisted on staying with Bobby. Alex brought her something to eat from the cafeteria, despite her protests that she wasn't hungry. The others finally left to try to get some sleep before the long drive back the next day.

Annie settled into the chair next to Bobby and tried to sleep. He woke up twice, asking for water and she helped him take a drink from the cup. The effort seemed to exhaust him and he fell asleep almost immediately. Just before 4:00 AM, he stirred and Annie sat up. He struggled to sit up and swing his legs over the side of the bed. She helped him, making sure his IV tubing heart monitor wires didn't get tangled.

"I need water." His voice was low and hoarse. She poured water into the cup and handed it to him. The cup shook as he raised it to his lips and Annie put her hand over his to steady it. He pushed her hand away, took a sip, and slammed the cup down, spilling some water as it sloshed from the force. He rubbed his hand through his hair, not looking at Annie.

"I need to pee," he said finally. He started to get up, but Annie gently pushed him back and pulled a plastic urinal from the cupboard in the night stand.

"You can't get up yet without help," she said softly. "And I can't catch you if you go down." He started to get up again and again she pushed him back down. "They have to keep track…so you'll have to use this anyway, whether here or in the bathroom." He glared at her briefly, then looked down at the floor. Annie pulled the curtain around his bed for a little more privacy. "Here, let me help…."

He grabbed the urinal from her and snapped, "I think I can figure out how to piss into a fucking bottle, Annie."

"OK," she said, unperturbed. "I'll just wait out here until you're done."

She stepped out into the hallway and waited. When she heard him softly call her name, she went back in. He was still sitting on the bed, holding the urinal that was now quite full. Annie took it from him and handed him some hand sanitizer before taking the urinal to the bathroom and leaving it on the back of the toilet for the nurse to measure when she came in. Bobby was still sitting on the side of the bed, his hands on the bed on either side of him. He was staring at the floor and didn't look up at her.

Annie busied herself, rearranging items on the bedside table. As she brushed past him to set a box of tissues on the table, he reached over and hooked his arm around her waist. He pulled her to stand in front of him. She stood silently, with his arm around her. He looked up at her, but couldn't hold her gaze. He pulled her closer and laid his head against her chest.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

Annie put her arms around him and kissed the top of his head. "It's OK, Babe."

"What time is it?"

"Almost four AM."

He sighed. "How much trouble am I in with you?"

She rested her cheek against the top of his head. "A lot. But not today." He squeezed her to him tighter. "How much trouble are you going to be in with the department?"

"A lot," he said softly.

**End chapter 5**

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